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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635244">Girl Meets Senior Year</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicsByKay/pseuds/FanFicsByKay'>FanFicsByKay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Girl Meets World</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Depressed Riley Matthews, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Love Triangles, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-29 01:27:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,168</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicsByKay/pseuds/FanFicsByKay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years have passed since Lucas and Riley fought on the first day of High School. The two never spoke again until one fateful night, the night Lucas saved Riley. Now he must save her from herself and not fall for her in the process.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Charlie Gardner/Riley Matthews, Farkle Minkus &amp; Isadora Smackle, Farkle Minkus/Isadora Smackle, Isaiah "Zay" Babineaux/Original Character(s), Lucas Friar &amp; Riley Matthews, Lucas Friar/Riley Matthews, Maya Hart &amp; Josh Matthews, Maya Hart/Josh Matthews</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Girl Meets High School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well, this is an AU centric story! Also, this has been cross-posted on Wattpad and FF.Net</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N: Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>"Now this is not the end. It is not even the </strong>
  <em>
    <strong>beginning of the end</strong>
  </em>
  <strong>. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." - Winston Churchill</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Riley Matthews, eldest daughter to Topanga and Corey Matthews began her day with an immense smile on her face and ready to conquer her new kingdom, High School. She will be joined by her best friend Maya Hart and cohorts of quirky individuals. The geniuses Farkle Minkus, Isadora Smackle, the joker Isaiah Babineaux, and the brawn Lucas Friar.</p><p>However, it did not go as she imagined, but Riley did not let go of the idea of a perfect day. She allowed the older seniors to submit her to "the hole" because she knew it <strong>had</strong> to be for a worthy reason. As the optimistic, the others followed her belief until it boiled over into an argument.</p><p>"Riley!" Lucas snapped as Riley sat Indian-style on the floor.</p><p>Riley slightly trembled at the burst of emotion from Lucas. He noticed that she flinched and he didn't mean to invoke fear in her, but he had reached his limit. She always tried to see the good in others and gave out multiple chances to the people around her. Riley had an unlimited hope in others, but these 'seniors' they could truly care less. They were taking advantage of her. Why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she just see that he was trying to protect their friends and especially her?</p><p>He clenched his jaw and began his rant, "Come on Riley. They are picking on us, they are enjoying torturing the freshman, get it through your head. You keep seeing the good in people, and that needs to change. These guys are just picking on the first random group of people they could"</p><p>"Lucas I don't think that anything that ever happens to us is random" Riley whispered from her seat on the floor. Why was he taking his frustrations out on her? She just wanted the best for him and wanted him to flourish.</p><p>"Lucas-" Riley was cut off by Lucas's irritated voice.</p><p>"Sometimes, you are just too much for me, Riley."</p><p>Riley let out a choked gasp and her eyes watered slightly. Lucas opened his mouth again, but words barely came out. He didn't mean to hurt Riley, his mouth was moving faster than his brain could think. Riley looked down at her feet and tried her firmest not to cry in front of everyone.</p><p>"Guys, can you just please calm down?" Zay said and placed his hand on Lucas's shoulder. "This isn't who we are."</p><p>"Zay?" Lucas questioned as Zay stood by Riley's side.</p><p>"Look Riley might be right; this has to be for a reason let's just give it a chance" Zay added.</p><p>"Preposterous" Smackle commented.</p><p>"Smackle" Farkle said gently and she turned to them.</p><p>"Dearest we can't possibly just stand here its … not right, let's go explore it's our natural right," Smackle said.</p><p>"I for one agree with Smackle," Lucas said as he pointed to Smackle.</p><p>"Lucas! The flirting, keep it cool" Smackle said as Lucas rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Maya?" Riley questioned as the Blonde stood oddly quiet.</p><p>"Riley we aren't Kings anymore this is a new world for us to find ourselves," Maya said and she shoved her hands in her jeans pocket.</p><p>"Yeah? Who are we?" And just like that Lucas and Smackle had walked away.</p><p>"Riles" Maya began, but instead, she closed her mouth and followed Lucas and Smackle up the stairs.</p><p>As Riley watched her friends walk away, Zay and Farkle joined Riley on the floor.</p><p>"Still want to be my friend?" She asked.</p><p>"Always," Farkle said as Riley leaned her head on his shoulder.</p><p>"Am I stupid Farkle?" Riley whispered.</p><p>"Riley you just see the good in everyone" Zay commented.</p><p>"I guess not enough," Riley said as she cried.</p><p>Farkle and Zay held her as she sobbed on the floor. Neither boy knew how to truly comfort the girl except with mews of reassurance that everything will be ok. They knew that Lucas and Riley were two sides of the same coin they just both conveyed it differently. After they convinced Riley to leave "the hole" they took her home so she could rest.</p><p>After Corey and Topanga tried their best to get Riley to speak to them however she just played around with her dinner. Two bites and a request to go to her room was all she did that evening. A long shower and some homework later, Riley retreated to her thinking spot.</p><p>She sat at the bay window subdued with her knees to her chest. Riley understood why Maya went after Lucas and Smackle. That was who she was an adventurer, a rebel, and a wild child while Riley was down to earth, safe and saw the good in everyone. It was bound they would go their separate ways, but they would find their way back, they always did.</p><p>Riley could hear the soft rapt on her window and saw Maya seated on her fire escape. Riley leaned over and opened the window. Maya's face held a frown and she looked hesitant to come into the room.</p><p>"Hey Peaches," Riley said her voice hoarse and patted the spot next to her.</p><p>Maya slowly crawled into the room and sat next to Riley. She wore her old leather jacket and had her hair in curls. She folded her hands into her lap and struggled to get the words out.</p><p>"Riles" Maya began as Riley pulled Maya into a hug.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Riley said as Maya placed a hand onto Riley's cheek.</p><p>"Riles don't be sorry, you were right and I should be apologizing to you. I should have never left you behind. I always follow <strong>you, </strong>I just wanted to rebel a little and I didn't realize I was leaving the best part of me behind" Maya said.</p><p>"It's ok Maya people drift, people change, sometimes they even make new friends"</p><p>"Well I would never want us to drift or change, you're stuck with me!"</p><p>"Promise?" Riley asked.</p><p>Maya stuck out her hand for Riley to grab.</p><p>"Thunder"</p><p>"Lightning"</p><p>"What about Smackle and Lucas?" Riley asked as Maya sighed.</p><p>"Smackle found bored of the football players and we stopped by Farkle's on the way here. I think they are doing some weird science experiment; I do not know I tuned them out after I heard microscope"</p><p>"Lucas?" Riley whispered.</p><p>"He is doing is own thing"</p><p>"That is fine, I am glad he is happy"</p><p>"Riley, give it some time," Maya said as Riley slowly nodded.</p><p>"Time is what he needs, that is ok with me then," Riley said and laid her head on Maya's shoulder.</p><p>Time was exactly what both Lucas and Riley needed. However, neither knew it was going to be three years of that time. Three years of not spending time with their friends as a group or having conversations. They wouldn't say another word to each other until that boiling moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Girl Meets Shattered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse is mentioned in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p>
  <strong><em>3 Years Later</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together" - Julia Roberts</em>
  </strong>
</p><hr/><p>Riley sat at the counter of her Mother's café and scribbled feverously in her notebook.</p><p>"Cake?"</p><p>Riley looked up and saw Zay standing in front of her with a slice of chocolate cake. Zay grinned and placed the small dish in front of her notebook. She smiled softly and stuck her finger in the chocolate mousse. Riley brought her finger to her lips and moaned at the taste of the sugar.</p><p>"Zay you are awesome! I am glad my Mom gave you this job" Riley commented as Zay passed her a small silver fork.</p><p>Zay had scored a job at Topanga's a year ago as a Waiter and it has helped him keep everything on track. Riley wasn't surprised that Zay was good at his job, he loves the people and they love him. Between serving the guest and snacking, he made everyone feel important. He was no longer Robin Lunch; he was Zay Best Waiter Ever.</p><p>"Well it does help that you are one of my best friends," Zay said as he took a bite of her cake.</p><p>"Zay!" Riley scolded with a laugh.</p><p>"Quality assurance" Zay mumbled with his mouth full.</p><p>"And?" Riley said as he took another bite.</p><p>"It's ok" He joked and Riley let out a laugh.</p><p>"Zay Man!" Riley turned around to see Maya walking with a messenger bag.</p><p>"No love for me Peaches," Riley said, taking a bite of her cake.</p><p>"Well that depends on you Honey, did you finish the next chapter?" Maya asked.</p><p>Riley smiled triumphantly and pulled out her iPad and notebook. Maya grinned and snatched the two out of her hands.</p><p>"Riles! You've been holding out on me! Now I can draw Violet and Peaches, I've been lacking some great art time" Maya cooed and flipped through the pages.</p><p>"I still can't believe you two are creating a graphic novel," Zay said as he took the last bite of cake and grabbed the plate.</p><p>Riley tilted her head in disbelief of Zay eating her snack and let out a chuckle. Yet he was right who knew that Riley Matthews could write so well. It was well known Maya had amazing artistic abilities, but one day Farkle and Maya read a short story that Riley wrote. They couldn't believe that Riley had a way to convey her emotions onto paper.</p><p>So junior year Riley and Maya began writing a series called Violet and Peaches. The series was about two best friends that fought crimes and had the ability to turn into cats. It was a silly idea, but anything could be possible in their world.</p><p>Their little crew actually would have weekly meet-ups and read the adventures and discuss what they believe should happen next. Maya would sketch the new ideas and Riley would write it all down. Farkle has even suggested that they submit it to publishing companies to get offers. However, Riley declines every time while Maya boasts about being the next great graphic designer.</p><p>"Believe it, Zay!" Maya said and stopped at a page.</p><p>"Riles this is it, this is Violet and Peaches next adventure, I love it," Maya said and a bright smile graced her face,</p><p>"Thanks," Riley said and shrugged.</p><p>"No drawing Maya we have to head to the Homecoming Game!" Zay said as Maya pulled out her sketchbook.</p><p>"Do we have to?" Maya whined and frowned.</p><p>"Of course Riley here is our homecoming queen nominee," Zay said and threw his apron onto the countertop.</p><p>"Zay you have to lock up," Topanga said as she came from behind.</p><p>"But Mrs. M, the game, Riley, Cheerleaders!" Zay rambled and widened his eyes.</p><p>"Mom, I got it," Riley said and walked behind the counter.</p><p>"Riley aren't you supposed to be at the game to walk across and everything?" Topanga asked.</p><p>"I'll be a few minutes late it's fine, really besides, we are closing in twenty minutes, guys go have fun, it gives me private Riley writing time," Riley said and placed her hands under her chin.</p><p>"Riles, you sure?" Maya asked as she stood from her seat.</p><p>"Totally fine Peaches!" Riley said and grinned.</p><p>"Zay!"</p><p>Riley's grin faltered from her face when she heard the familiar voice. A voice that she didn't hear often, yet it still sent waves throughout her body. She looked down at the grain of the counter before she felt his presence nearby. He didn't acknowledge her or greet her, but he did glance at her.</p><p>"Lucas dude what are you doing here?" Zay asked as Maya glanced between Riley and Lucas.</p><p>"Dude you said we were meeting up at four-thirty, it's almost five" Lucas laughed as Zay patted his arm.</p><p>"Sorry late shift today, but come on we are all going to the game now," Zay said as Maya grabbed Riley's hand.</p><p>"Coming Maya?" Lucas asked as he turned to the Blonde.</p><p>"Yeah, Huckleberry" Maya retorted before squeezing Riley.</p><p>The three began walking towards the door as Topanga followed slowly behind them. In a silent walk towards the subway, the three of them did not say anything. It could have been the awkward tension or the fact that Riley's mother was a few feet behind them.</p><p>"What the Princess isn't joining?" Lucas asked and rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Lucas!" Maya scolded and pinched his arm.</p><p>Maya didn't want Lucas bashing Riley especially in front of her mother. Lucas wasn't surprised at Maya's actions; however, he was surprised at her using his name. He didn't make it easy for his friends to spend time with him whenever Riley tagged along.</p><p>Somehow he would end up canceling or make Riley feel uncomfortable that she would leave. It was like a switch came on inside of him that made him have to hurt her feelings. Maya had every right to be protective, but he just could not help himself.</p><p>"Sorry, Maya I guess I forget you have to protect the Princess" Lucas said and let out a chuckle.</p><p>Maya rolled her eyes and shoved him into Zay which made them fall on the ground. Topanga came over and Maya pulled her away from the two boys. Zay jostled Lucas off of him and stood up.</p><p>"Why Lucas? Why do you have to be an ass about Riley?" Zay demanded.</p><p>"She makes it easy Zay," Lucas said and stood up from the ground. He wiped his jeans and shook his head in anger. Lucas clenched his jaw and made fists before releasing them.</p><p>"Cut it out, at least for tonight! It is our last homecoming game and I want to enjoy it with all my best friends" Zay begged and clasped his hands together.</p><p>"Whatever let's just catch up to Maya so we can't sit with Smackle and Farkle," Lucas said as he pointed to the subway.</p><p>"Crap I left my wallet back at Topanga's, I think Riles is still there" Zay commented and smacked his pants.</p><p>"Look I got it don't worry, I won't say anything mean to the Princess," Lucas said and rolled his eyes.</p><p>Zay bit back his words and just held up his hands to allow Lucas to go to the café. At least in his mind, the two had to say something to one another. Lucas handed Zay his MetroCard before walking back to Topanga's. He had no idea what he was going to say to Riley and he hoped he didn't have to. He walked down a flight of stairs to see the door closed and the lights were off inside of Topanga's.</p><p>Lucas was surprised to see the lights were all off at Topanga's and placed his hands on the glass. He peered into the darkness to see nothing but an empty café. He pulled the door to see that it was unlocked and felt uneasy about what was going on. Despite not speaking to Riley, he knew she wasn't irresponsible to leave the place unlocked.</p><p>"Um hello?" Lucas called out as he walked into the dark café. The bell rang over his head and he reached to his left to find the light switch when he saw something from the corner of his eye. Lucas fell back into the glass door with a heavy shove shattering the glass. He groaned and noticed that the person was dressed in all black and was running up the stairs.</p><p>Adrenaline began to build up in him and he scrambled onto his feet. He scurried inside and began looking for Riley.</p><p>"Ri- Ril - Riley?!" His voice shook with vulnerability and he was surprised he even got her name out. Chairs were strewn haphazardly on the floor and the café counter was bare except for a rag. Lucas heard a whimper and knew where she was. He slid to his knees and saw Riley lying face down behind the bar. Her hair was spread out around her and her skirt hiked up.</p><p>"Riley?" Lucas cried and picked her head up as she cried again.</p><p>"Lucas?" She questioned as tried sitting up.</p><p>"Riley, please stay still I have to call the cops" Lucas begged as he searched for his phone in his pocket. His fingers trembled as he dialed the police and his voice cracked. After reading off the numbers to the police and hanging up he looked down at Riley who was curled in a fetal position.</p><p>He studied her as he noticed her underwear further away from the two and he froze. That was a question he didn't want to be answered right now. All that he knew was that she needed him and the three years of anger melted away. She pulled down her skirt and tried sitting up which made Lucas move away.</p><p>"No Lucas please, don't leave me" She cried and held him tightly.</p><p>"Please I know you don't like me, but don't leave me alone, please Lucas, please"</p><p>He held her tightly as she broke down within his arms.</p><p>"Don't worry Riley I got you, no one will hurt, no one" He whispered.</p><p>He held her for about five minutes before the cops arrived. Before he knew it Riley was on a stretcher and cops were asking him about twenty questions at once. Yet it didn't matter because he just stared at Riley as she was strapped in and crying.</p><p>"Son?" The Officer asked.</p><p>"I … I … didn't see him sir, but I know he was heavier and taller than I" Lucas croaked.</p><p>The Officer noticed Lucas's gaze and patted him on the back. He comprehended that Lucas was not going to be helpful until he knew that Riley was going to be alright.</p><p>"Lucas?" Riley cried and Lucas walked over. She grabbed his hand and began to cry as the paramedic placed an IV in her arm.</p><p>"I'm right here Riley," Lucas said as she squeezed his hand.</p><p>"Young man, only family can ride with her, you can meet us at Mount Sinai," The Paramedic said as Riley gripped his hand tighter.</p><p>"Please" Lucas begged as the stretcher moved away from him and Riley thrashed crying for Lucas.</p><p>Lucas stood dumbfounded and watched Riley begged for him. Thumps filled his ears and he realized his own heart was racing for her. He was scared for her and he did not know what to do.</p><p>"Son?" The Officer said and Lucas turned to him. The Officer handed Lucas's what he could only figure was Riley's bag and some papers.</p><p>"Go to her," The Officer said as Lucas without a second thought ran out of Topanga's.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for all the love - K</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Girl Meets Forgiven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse; Trauma; and Depression</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>"Just as the body goes into shock after a physical trauma, so does the human psyche go into shock after the impact of a major loss"</i> - Anne Grant</p><p>Lucas sat in the pale blue plastic hospital chair and let out a long sigh. He couldn't believe that he talked to Riley's parents. He couldn't ignore Zay's calls anymore and when he told Zay it turned into a series of questions. Now they were all on their way and he had to explain it further to everyone. The doctors didn't tell him much except that Riley had been sedated so they could do their examination.</p><p>"Lucas!"</p><p>Lucas stood up from the chair in his stupor and looked at Cory and Topanga's concerned faces.</p><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Matthews I am so sorry" Lucas started and his voice cracked.</p><p>"Lucas this is not your fault if anything you saved her" Topanga commented and pulled Lucas into a tight squeeze.</p><p>Lucas nodded in silence and hugged her back.</p><p>"Where is she?" Cory asked.</p><p>Lucas pointed to the room across from his seat and Cory disappeared from his view.</p><p>"Is she ok?" Topanga asked</p><p>"I don't know, I haven't moved, but she was terrified before, they gave her medicine to sleep, I think, I really do not know Mrs. Matthew" Lucas said and collapsed in the seat.</p><p>In frustration, he rubbed his face and quaked his head in fury. Guilt consumed him for even making Riley stay behind. She didn't join them on their walk because of him and she went out of her way to avoid the interaction. Riley would have come with Zay and Maya, the café would have been close, she would have not gotten hurt.</p><p>"It's my fault" Lucas whispered.</p><p>"Lucas honey it is not your fault, you didn't attack her, you saved her" Topanga emphasized.</p><p>Before he could respond they heard multiple running footsteps. Lucas saw Maya with bloodshot eyes with Josh's hand clutched within hers. Farkle with pure fear in his eyes held on Smackle's shoulder. Zay looked worse as he looked like he had cried on the way there.</p><p>"How is she?" Farkle asked to be the first to speak aloud.</p><p>"Sleeping," Cory said as he walked out of the hospital room with a Doctor.</p><p>"We recommend that you can come at a different time," The Doctor said.</p><p>"But no, I need to see her" Maya demanded and began to shake.</p><p>"She needs to sleep" Cory began as Maya looked around in disbelief.</p><p>"Just for a minute" Maya begged as they began to hear screams.</p><p>"GET OFF OF ME, HELP! PLEASE HELP!"</p><p>Cory ran into the room with the Doctor to see a nurse being attacked by Riley as she cried. Riley turned to her Dad and tried to speak</p><p>"Riley please stay still" Cory pleaded as he went to Riley's side. Riley flinched and squirmed away from her Father. Cory noticed and took a step back from his daughter and felt the pain that radiated from her. Riley was an affectionate girl, a happy girl and at this moment she looked unrecognizable.</p><p>Riley was dressed in a plain white hospital gown and her short hair was roused from her moving around. A tear-streaked face and puffy eyes from her cries presented a shattered girl. A broken fragile girl and he did not know how to fix her.</p><p>"Where's Lucas? I want to see Lucas" Riley asked and looked around.</p><p>Surprised at her request, Cory, however, understood why she asked for him. Lucas has rescued her from her attacker and he was the lone one who shared her experience. A loss for words he turned to the Doctor for assistance.</p><p>"Riley, you were attacked," The Doctor said.</p><p>"Please, daddy, I want to see Lucas," Riley begged.</p><p>"One visitor," The Doctor said as he gave Cory a nod to signify that it was acceptable.</p><p>"Lucas, I want to see Lucas" Riley pleaded.</p><p>"Maya is out there Riley"</p><p>"Lucas" Riley repeated and stared at Cory. Glazed over eyes with tears and pale skin, yet she didn't waver from her request. Cory knew that Maya would understand just not at this moment, yet he had to favor her request. Once again he attempted to move closer to her and Riley inches away from him.</p><p>"I love you, honey," Cory said as Riley just nodded.</p><p>Cory walked out into the hallway once again and looked at the group of friends as they waited. Although Lucas was not a usual part of that dynamic, yet at the moment knew her the best. Lucas had been a thorn in the Matthews’ house. As a teacher, Cory avoided pairing the two for projects in fear of an argument and knew not to mention Lucas around Riley. He timidly walked over to the group as Maya stepped forward with wide eyes and hope.</p><p>"She wants to see Lucas right now Maya" Cory whispered.</p><p>Maya turned to Lucas with a whip of her neck and let out an angry gasp.</p><p>"It's his fault!" Maya snapped and Lucas cringed at the accusation.</p><p>"Maya!" Topanga scolded as Maya turned to Lucas.</p><p>She grunted in anger and shoved Lucas into the wall for the second time of the day. Turned on her heel and with haste walked away from the group. Josh pointed to her with his thumb and received the ok to follow her. If anyone could calm her down it would be him.</p><p>"Maya!" Josh called as Maya collapsed onto a bench of chairs. She shook with anger and let out shallow breaths as she tried to calm down. Josh sat next to her and grabbed her hand to comfort her.</p><p>"Why doesn't she want to see me?" Maya cried.</p><p>"Maya it has nothing to do with you, Riley isn't ok right now and she wants to speak to Lucas, she isn't choosing him over you ever! She needs clarity and he is the only one who can give it"</p><p>She knew he was right, but she wanted to be selfish right now. Maya had always protected Riley from harm's way and especially Lucas's harm. Now she was choosing him over her and she didn't understand why. For the last three years, Maya had Riley's back and she wanted to have it again.</p><p>"I just want her to be ok," Maya whispered. Josh pulled her into a side hug and placed her head on his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and rubbed her shoulder.</p><p>"She will be Maya" Josh whispered as he looked down the hall. Down the hall, Lucas was hesitant about going to Riley's room, but he also knew he had to. Lucas opened the door with caution and saw Riley propped against a pillow and her sight set on a wall.</p><p>This was a moment he rehearsed in his head for the last few minutes, but no matter how he tried he didn't move. She turned to him and showed that her eyes were bloodshot red filled with tears. He stepped in and shut the door behind him, but didn't face her. That look on her face of pain and fear wracked his nerves.</p><p>"Lucas?" Her voice squeaked and he turned around to face her.</p><p>"Riley" He responded and he took a tentative step towards her. She didn't flinch but instead folded her hands into her lap and she bit her bottom lip. She was nervous, he knew that about her, he studied her every move for the past four years. Lip biting was her number one give away when she was over thought about doing something.</p><p>"Did he … did he … Lucas, did he hurt me?" She asked.</p><p>"No Riley I stopped it" Lucas answered and reached her bed.</p><p>She grabbed his wrist and pulled him onto the bed to sit next to her.</p><p>"Riley I-"</p><p>Riley engulfed Lucas into a hug and wrapped her hands around his neck. Her fingers caressed his hair and she cried into his shoulder. Muffled cries filled the room and he pulled her close to him. Vanilla mixed with coconut wafted into his nose and he let out a soft moan.</p><p>It was the same scent from years before and he missed it. He didn't realize he missed it until he smelled it and wanted more. He wanted more of her and this hug was complicating something he spent years building. Lucas pulled away first surprising Riley, who wiped her face.</p><p>"I probably look horrible," She said and let out a snort.</p><p>"Never" Lucas replied breathlessly and placed a strand of her hair behind her ear. Absentminded he licked his lips as he glanced down at her again.</p><p>"Riley I am sorry" He began again and she smiled.</p><p>"No Lucas, Thank You, you saved my life, you protected me. Lucas, I know the past few years have been hard for us but … I forgive you and I am grateful you were there to protect me." Riley said and grabbed his hand.</p><p>Nerves bubbled inside of him as this was the most contact the two had in three years. She interlocked their fingers and gave him another bright smile. It wasn't like her usual bright smile, although it was a start. This was not something she was going to get over in a few hours, maybe not even months. Perhaps this would be his chance to tell her the truth about why he acted the way he did towards her for these past three years.</p><p>"Riley I have to tell you something, I lo-"</p><p>"Babe?"</p><p>Lucas turned around and felt his heart drop in the pit of his stomach. His worst fear was standing a few feet away from him, clutching a bouquet of sunflowers and a mop of brown hair. There standing in front of him was Riley's boyfriend of three years, Charlie Gardner.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Girl Meets Pity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>"I feel like life is really short, and it's important to enjoy yourself and embrace whatever comes your way, whether it's a challenging day or a great day, just welcome it with open arms. No matter who you are, you can't escape challenges; they are part of life"</i> - Miranda Kerr</p>
<p>
  <b>A Week Later</b>
</p>
<p>Riley shuffled her semi-cold fries around her plate as she zoned out from her friends. Charlie and his best friends Billy Ross and Yogi decided to join the usual gang. To make the awkwardness a doozy Farkle and Zay invited Lucas to sit with them as well. Riley glanced between Charlie and Lucas, who would give one another stare downs.</p>
<p>Ever since Lucas left Riley's side abruptly and with no other contact she figured they were back to being silent acquaintances. She craved to hear what Lucas had to tell her that night, but he never mentioned it again. However, Charlie has been taking over all her time and make sure she was alright constantly.</p>
<p>"You should eat Riles," Charlie said as he tried to feed her a fry. She smacked the fry from his hand which made him tighten his smile and turn to his friends.</p>
<p>"As I was saying, dude, I need that extra cash for my car, and that way at Prom we could ride at style," Billy said and rolled his eyes at Riley's action.</p>
<p>"Yeah with my best girl," Charlie said and grasped Riley into a side hug. Riley frustrated with Charlie's smothering gets up from the table. Maya turned to Riley to speak, but Riley ran out of the cafeteria with her notebook and backpack. Riley let out a frustrated whimper and leaned against a locker to catch her breath.</p>
<p>No one knew except Lucas what happened that night. They all just knew that Riley was attacked and had a few bruises that needed time to heal. Only he knew what really happened; only he knew that she was attacked in more ways than one and only he knew what she was going through. Although she wasn't raped, she felt violated body and mind.</p>
<p>The bell rang and students shuffled out of classrooms into the hallway. Riley straightened herself and was met with two girls who stared at her. Both giggled at her which embarrassed her. The rumors started that Riley got into a fight and turned into Riley Matthews got drunk to cheat on Charlie.</p>
<p>Whispered rumors riled her up and she was ready to advance to them when she saw that they seized up. Riley felt a hand on the square of her lower back and turned to her right. She felt his presence around her and calmed down in an instant. Lucas stared at the two girls that had whispered about her and they hasted away. He steered her towards their History class, but she stopped mid-step.</p>
<p>"Want to ditch?" Riley questioned and turned to him. She clutched her notebook close to her chest and widened her brown eyes at him. They hypnotized and immobilized him at the same time. Lucas placed a hand behind his neck and stuttered over his words.</p>
<p>"Wh… Wha…- what?"</p>
<p>"Do you want to ditch class with me?" Riley asked again and bit her bottom lip.</p>
<p>"Riley maybe we should go to class, it's your Dad's class I think he will notice we are missing," Lucas said.</p>
<p>"You can go, bye Lucas" Riley whispered and walked past him.</p>
<p>Lucas looked toward the classroom and watched Maya and Zay talk to one another. He turned to look over his left shoulder and watched Riley as she sprinted towards the exit. With a spin of his heel, he hurried behind her and grabbed her wrist. Ditching school wasn't Riley's usual idea, she loved school, especially her Father's class.</p>
<p>"Sure," Lucas said as Riley slightly grinned. He grabbed her notebooks with a hand and jutted them towards the exit. He was not going to let her go out there alone and he knew against his better judgment that he should have told his friends but he didn't.</p>
<p>They escaped into the street, careful to avoid the security guards, and hurried towards the subway. Neither of them spoke a word to each other on the train except for the accidental sorry from bumping into one another on the crowded train. Lucas didn't know where they were going but knew he had to trust her right now.</p>
<p>"We're here," Riley said as she pulled him off the train. They had reached 110th Street – Central Park North and Riley beamed with excitement. Lucas followed her silently up the stairs and across the street into the lavish Central Park.</p>
<p>He didn't know what to say to her, but he knew that he had to follow her on this adventure. Before he knew it Riley handed him a small plastic bag of fruit that she had purchased at the fruit stand.</p>
<p>"Can we go sit by the water?" Voice filled with timidity and uncertainty.</p>
<p>"Of course" He responded, his voice cracking slightly. He coughed to clear his throat and she blushed before she walked across the street towards the Harlem Meer.</p>
<p>Trees flourished across the grass of orange and green leaves and Riley sighed with happiness. An escape was what she needed. No lectures or her parents hovering over her worried about what she would do. It was not like she out doing drugs or sliding down a pole. All she craved was to be free for just a moment.</p>
<p>Lucas settled underneath a tree and she placed her bag next to his. Maybe she had to break the ice or maybe he didn't want to be around her. Maybe he was just being a babysitter for Zay and Maya.</p>
<p>"Do you mind?" He asked as he grabbed a green apple from the plastic bag. Riley shook her head no and took a seat next to him. Beside her laid her bag and she knew this would be the perfect time to edit and write. For the next hour, the two sat in silence as Riley scribbled and Lucas ate the apples she purchased.</p>
<p>"I need to dance" Riley blurted out and threw her notebook and papers down next to Lucas. In a daze, Lucas jumped in surprise as Riley began to shake her hips slightly. Mouth gaped open at her actions, Lucas surely did not know how to respond.</p>
<p>He fumbled with the plastic bag and grabbed the last apple. They had to talk after he ate this apple there were no more distractions. He glanced up at her and she was lost in her own thoughts.</p>
<p>She did a cartwheel onto the grass and displayed a playful grin on her face. He chuckled slightly and bit into his apple as he watched her dance around. Bubbles swarmed their seating area as an elderly man approached them with a bubble machine and an inflatable pool. Her giggles tickled his ears and he couldn't help but grin at her happiness.</p>
<p>"How much?" Lucas asked as the man motioned for five dollars for about five minutes of bubbles. He reached into his wallet and handed the man a crisp ten-dollar bill. The man smiled and began the show of bubbles. Riley reached up to the bubbles and began to spin in the wonderland of bubbles.</p>
<p>Once the show was over, the man took out a hula hoop and winked at Riley. Riley glanced over to Lucas, who stood up from his spot under the tree. The elder man poured some bubble mix into the small pool. He motioned for the two to step into the pool which Riley eagerly did. Lucas timid followed her motion and joined her.</p>
<p>"On the house for you two," He said and dipped the hula hoop. He raised it slowly above them, which created a bubble. It encased them into a giant bubble and Riley let out a cheer. Riley gripped Lucas's wrist and he fidgeted from her touch. She noticed his maneuver and let go of his wrist as the bubble popped. Lucas left the pool first as Riley followed slowly behind him.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Riley said softly and smiled at the elder man.</p>
<p>"No problem sweetheart," He said as he collected his things and went on his way.</p>
<p>Riley looked down at her feet and then at Lucas's face.</p>
<p>"We should go" Riley whispered as Lucas nodded. He reached down for their things and she walked away in hurriedly. She didn't dare let him see her tears not again and not ever. The ride back to her apartment was worse than earlier and this time she wouldn't glance his way. He had to break her thoughts and show her they were at her stop.</p>
<p>Awkward tension rose on her walk towards the apartment and she ran up her stairs to avoid him. However, she didn't count on him following her into the brownstone building.</p>
<p>"You didn't think I was going to let you go upstairs alone?" He asked.</p>
<p>She didn't respond and allowed him to continue his journey to her apartment. Grateful for the lack of parents and Auggie gave her a relieving feeling. Beads of sweat formed on her hands as she guided him towards her bedroom. The last thing she needed was for her parents to find her alone in the house with a boy, and that boy being Lucas.</p>
<p>"In case my parents come you should go out the window. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble" Riley spoke as Lucas took a seat at the bay window. Riley sat on the edge of her bed and placed her hands on her lap.</p>
<p>"No worries" Lucas commented and rubbed his hands on his jeans.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Lucas," Riley said and let out a sigh.</p>
<p>"For what?"</p>
<p>"For being there today, this week … last week at the café" She whispered.</p>
<p>"Riley it's no-"</p>
<p>"But I don't think we should hang out any more clearly it makes you uncomfortable and you are probably just watching me because of Zay, Maya, and Farkle," Riley said as tears stung her eyes. She promised not to cry in front of him, but she couldn't help it. Tears pricked her eyes and slowly tumbled down her cheek, but she wiped them away.</p>
<p>"Riley no that's not it, look it's just me," Lucas said as he stood up and walked over to her. He placed a strand of her hair behind her ear and shivered slightly. Brown eyes met green and they both took in a deep breath.</p>
<p>"I think I am scared of being around you because I do not know how to feel" Lucas confessed. Was he saying what she thought? Did he care about her? Did he want her?</p>
<p>Riley pulled Lucas down on top of her and pressed her lips onto his. This is the moment he dreamt of for years and it's awkward. Lips didn't melt into one another instead laid on top with no motion. Kissing her while she was this way was not how he wanted this moment to go. She shoved him away and sat up abruptly.</p>
<p>"Maybe you should go" Riley croaked as the tears stung her eyes.</p>
<p>She tried her hardest not to let them fall from her eyes but she couldn't. Rejection from Lucas was what she needed to know he didn't like her in that way. He never did, he had to pretend to be nice because of their friends. Riley lost in thought did not see Lucas reaching for her hand.</p>
<p>Fingers found the nape of her neck and she felt his mouth on hers. His tongue slipped in between her lips and found her eager one. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her onto his lap.</p>
<p>It was like he could not get enough of her at that moment. He drank every inch of her mouth and she felt his hands hold her against his chest. Gasped breaths were the only sound for a moment as they lay their foreheads against one another.</p>
<p>"Never say that" Lucas mumbled as she tried her best to catch her breath.</p>
<p>"What?" She asked.</p>
<p>"Never think you're not enough, Riley, you are more than enough" Lucas whispered huskily.</p>
<p>"You were talking aloud" He continued.</p>
<p>Her voice hitches in her throat and her stomach began to do flips. She didn't mean for him to hear what she was saying, nor did she want to hear what he said. To hear that he wanted her as much as she wanted him created a situation neither could be ready for.</p>
<p>"Lucas …. I … We should …." Riley staggered over her words and felt Lucas kiss her once again.</p>
<p>Each kiss grew with a quenching hunger that neither could satisfy. His hands gripped her together and she let out a soft moan between her lips. Lucas let out a growl and started to kiss her with more passion than she could handle. Her small frame trembled in his hands and she grinded into him. Lucas pulled away from her and his lustful eyes stared into hers. She leaned her forehead onto his and let out a soft chortle.</p>
<p>"Riles"</p>
<p>Lucas and Riley both turned towards the voice and saw Maya crouched in the window. Riley stumbled to her feet as Lucas looked down. Riley slapped on a bashful grin and waved at Maya.</p>
<p>"Peaches!"</p>
<p>"You! Leave, Now!" Maya said as she stood in the room and pointed at Lucas.</p>
<p>"Maya look-" Lucas was cut off by a tossed pillow that flew towards him.</p>
<p>"Lucas get the hell out!" Maya shouted as Lucas grabbed his backpack off the floor. He glanced down at Riley, who didn't dare glance in his direction, and walked out the room. Maya raised her hands in exasperation and turned to Riley with raised eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Cutting school Riles? Having me and our friends worried! When you were just in Lucas's lap? You have a boyfriend! Charlie, remember him?" Maya scolded and walked over to Riley.</p>
<p>"This isn't you! Riley, I am worried about you. You left at lunch, you ditched school with Lucas out of everyone and you won't answer your phone" Maya continued. Riley walked over to her bag on her desk and pulled out her iPhone. Twenty-five missed calls and thirty-two text messages from Maya, Charlie, Zay Farkle, and her parents. She shoves the device back into her bag and shrugged her shoulders.</p>
<p>"I was busy" Riley mumbled.</p>
<p>"Riley, what is going on? Talk to me please!" Maya begged and stood in front of Riley. She placed her hands on Riley's shoulders so Riley could look into her eyes.</p>
<p>Riley nudged Maya off her shoulders and sat at the Bay Window. She pulled her knees to her shoulders and picked at the imaginary lint on her pants. Maya took the seat next to Riley and placed a hand on her knee to grab her attention.</p>
<p>"Riley I am really worried about you," Maya choked and started to cry.</p>
<p>Riley had seen Maya cry before, yet never because of her or at least not sad tears.</p>
<p>"I'm confused; I'm confused about the attack, about life, about school, about Charlie, about Lu-</p>
<p>"Lucas?" Maya finished and wiped her face.</p>
<p>"He saved me Maya whether you like it or not, he saved my life" Riley stated and looked at Maya.</p>
<p>"I am not mad at Lucas Riley; I am mad at the situation. Lucas has been such a jerk to you for so long and I've spent that time protecting you and when you needed me the most, he took my spot" Maya said and got emotional once again.</p>
<p>"Maya look at me," Riley said sternly and held Maya's face.</p>
<p>"No one will ever take your spot!"</p>
<p>"Not even Ranger Rick?"</p>
<p>Riley chuckled and nodded to Maya who returned the smile. The two sat in a peaceful ambiance until they both heard a loud slam. They knew. Riley flinched and awaited the long lecture her parents were about to drill into her mind.</p>
<p>Lucas sat in his room and tossed his baseball into the air as he thought about Riley. His lips still tingled from having her within his reach. For years, it was everything he dreamt of yet more and not enough. He didn't want to pull away, nor did he want her to ever leave his grasp. However, Maya had alternate plans and drove him away, she had every right.</p>
<p>"What the hell Lucas!" Zay reprimanded as he walked into the room with Farkle. Farkle shoved his hands into his leather jacket and took a seat across from Lucas on the bed. Zay sat on Lucas's desk while Lucas leaned his head back.</p>
<p>"You made Riley cut school!" Zay lectured as Farkle watched the interaction. Zay paced the floor and let out shallow breathes of anger. Lucas didn't understand why Zay was so angry, nonetheless, he felt there was an underline real motive.</p>
<p>"Don't take her down this brooding, dark path you're on!" Zay scolded. Lucas watched his best friend rant about how he was a bad guy and didn't need to ruin Riley in the process. Lucas understood that now Zay was Riley's protector and he appreciated his longtime friend took the job seriously.</p>
<p>A sound of horns filled the room and the observant Farkle took out his phone. Lucas gripped the baseball as Farkle looked up at Lucas. Just by the look in Farkle's eye, he knew it didn't take Maya too long to announce what he had done.</p>
<p>"It was Riley's decision" Farkle announced and passed his phone to Zay. Zay grabbed the phone and read the text message from Maya aloud.</p>
<p>"It was Riles's idea, but I'm worried about her. This isn't like her to do this. We need to talk with her, but right now the parentals are laying out a punishment for the ditching. BTW I caught her and Lucas alone in her room and it wasn't a pretty picture"</p>
<p>"What happened?" Farkle asked as Zay handed him back his phone.</p>
<p>"We kissed," Lucas said as he tossed the ball into the air again and Zay grabbed it.</p>
<p>"Why? She has Charlie!" Zay said and threw the ball across the room into a pile of dirty laundry.</p>
<p>"Because he loves her, he always had since we were middle schoolers" Farkle answered as Lucas sighed.</p>
<p>"It doesn't give you the right to kiss her Lucas!" Zay yelled.</p>
<p>"Zay I think we should hear what Lucas has to say," Farkle said as he shoved Zay to sit onto the bed.</p>
<p>"Lucas-" Zay began, yet Farkle covered his mouth with his hand.</p>
<p>"Lucas proceed," Farkle said.</p>
<p>Lucas lets out a series of groans before he rubbed his face in defeat. He had never spoken the words he was going to say aloud. Never had a reason to explain why for three years he treated Riley like she never mattered or how he truly felt about her and Charlie.</p>
<p>"Farkle is right Zay. I do love her! I am in love with her, always have been since she fell into my lap on the subway. We were younger back then and it was sweet and innocent but now it's different. We have grown and so have our feelings. I am in love with Riley Matthews, and no one is going to tell me otherwise but I can't be with her! You know why? I am an asshole that's why and she has someone like Charlie to treat her like the great person she is. I bring her nothing but misery" Lucas admitted.</p>
<p>Zay and Farkle shared a look at Lucas let out a shaky breath. He held that in for three years and no matter how much he said it to himself, the look on his best friend's face said it all. Lucas Friar was head over heels for Riley Matthews.</p>
<p>"So tell her that," Farkle said as Zay tilted his head in disbelief.</p>
<p>"Farkle that is insane," Lucas said.</p>
<p>"That's love Lucas," Farkle said.</p>
<p>"I do not agree, but I commend you on your feelings, but Lucas if you felt this way, why not at least tell us," Zay said.</p>
<p>It crossed his mind to tell his friends, but he couldn't. They had Riley's best interest and he wasn't the best thing for her but actually the worst.</p>
<p>"She deserves the best," Lucas said.</p>
<p>"Lucas … Charlie is a great guy, but he isn't you. I know Riley since the 1st grade, and I can say that there is something there" Farkle said, and Zay shoved his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Don't encourage the craziness Farkle" Zay said and grabbed some papers from his pocket.</p>
<p>He handed it to Lucas, who grabbed it from him and opened it. Zay's horrible handwriting was scribbled across with assignments that were due tomorrow. Only Zay would still bring Lucas his homework over the years.</p>
<p>"Do your homework and don't exchange any googly eyes with Riley. We will see the both of you tomorrow in class" Zay said and walked out of the room. Lucas could hear Zay's mumbles of this was all absurdity.</p>
<p>"Lucas I may approve of your feelings, but know that Riley is my best friend and I do not want to see her hurt. If you aren't going to make her happy then stay away" Farkle said and walked out the room without another word.</p>
<p>Lucas leaned back into his chair and let out a grunt of frustration. He opened his bag and grabbed out his notebook to start on his homework for History class. If he was going to ditch with Riley, he had at least to do the homework that was assigned. A purple leather journal tumbled out onto the ground and he reached down. It was Riley's journal that she had written in and he had it.</p>
<p>If memories served him right, he had stuffed the journal into his bag when Riley ran off in Central Park. Stacks of paper were also in his backpack and he pulled it out. It was an invasion of privacy to read the journal, but the papers he tried to justify what he was about to do. History was going to have to wait as he began reading the emotions of the girl he was in love with.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you think? Be kind, but honest!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Girl Meets Reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder</p><p>Thank you for all the kudos and comments. I appreciate them all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>"I feel like life is really short, and it's important to enjoy yourself and embrace whatever comes your way, whether it's a challenging day or a great day, just welcome it with open arms. No matter who you are, you can't escape challenges; they are part of life" </i> - <b>Miranda Kerr</b></p><p>Riley waited for Lucas outside of History class to speak to him about what happened the night before. Anxiety built as every person that walked in was not him. One had to wonder, was he avoiding her? Before her thoughts got the best of her, she could see him down the hallway with Zay and Farkle.</p><p>Riley knew that they had found out about the kiss because Maya said she was going to tell them. She gripped her bag tight and took a deep breath to speak when she felt arms encase her. Only one pair of arms would grip her from behind and it was her boyfriend, Charlie.</p><p>"Hey, babe!" He said and placed his broad grin on. Yogi and Billy were behind him and watched the interaction between the two. Yogi smirked while Billy rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Hey" She mumbled as Lucas, Farkle, and Zay passed by with no words. Riley tried to grab Lucas's gaze but she couldn't. Whether on purpose or not Lucas avoided her at all costs.</p><p>"We have class," Riley whispered and pulled from Charlie's grasp. Yogi sent them a smile before he spotted Darby in the class. Billy let out a loud laugh and patted Charlie on the back.</p><p>"Trouble in paradise with the prude princess" Billy chortled and doubled over. Riley sent Billy a glare and turned to walk away. Charlie nudged Billy in the arm and Billy in response rolled his eyes playfully. Riley walked towards her desk and could see that Lucas purposely had his back to her.</p><p>She settled into her seat and glanced towards Lucas, who had his attention to Darby. He was not going to make this easy for her whatsoever. Riley could barely pay attention to her father's lesson and tried her best to understand the moral lesson.</p><p>However, it was a lost cause because her mind fell elsewhere. She tried to get Luca's attention who had his head down the entire period. As soon as the bell rang Lucas bolted from his seat and basically ran out of the classroom. Yet this was not going to stop Riley from trying to speak to him.</p><p>"Lucas!" Riley called as she chased after the tallboy and pulled on his arm. Lucas turned around and rolled his eyes at Riley.</p><p>"What <i>Princess</i>?" He asked and cut his eyes at her.</p><p>Princess? He had not called her that in a few weeks and now it was like nothing ever happened. He made it seem like she was a child when he said that nickname for her. It was filled with malice and disgust, not sweet like in the seventh grade.</p><p>"Lucas? Why are you calling me that?" Riley asked as she took a step back from him. Tears pricked her eyes and Lucas raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>"Aww Riley, are you going to cry? Don't cry Princess it will be all ok. Look your Prince Charming is coming over" Lucas said and jutted his chin out towards Charlie. Charlie reached the two and placed an arm over Riley's shoulder.</p><p>"Aww protecting the Princess, Gardner? She needs a big bad bodyguard"</p><p>"Lucas cut it out!" Riley yelled surprising both boys.</p><p>"Friar you should leave my girlfriend alone," Charlie said and squeezed Riley's shoulder. Riley couldn't believe how Lucas was acting towards her. She thought that maybe they could talk and figure out their feelings. Had he taken advantage of her?</p><p>"Tell your girlfriend to leave me alone," Lucas commented.</p><p>She wasn't a prize to be won between the two of them and yet they talked about her like she was a toy at Coney Island. Did her opinion not matter to either of them?</p><p>"Charlie please let me speak to Lucas … alone" Riley begged.</p><p>Charlie wanted to comply with her wishes, but ever since that night at Topanga's he couldn't shake that something more happened than a punch and a kick. He wanted to protect her, he wanted to be the one to get all of Riley, and now he had been tossed to the side.</p><p>"Babe?"</p><p>"Charlie please"</p><p>"Actually don't worry Charlie I'm just going to go anyway; I don't want to talk to her anyway. She is just dragging this incident for sympathy points" Lucas said and Riley felt the heat rise to her cheeks.</p><p>She wasn't using the incident as a tactic and Lucas of all people had seen her in the most vulnerable state. She confided in him, he held her, he protected her, he had been her savior and now he was using it against her. Her moment of weakness was not a tool to be toyed with by Lucas Friar.</p><p>"Lucas" Riley cried and felt the once familiar prick of tears in her eyes. Her throat tightened as well as her chest filled with anxiety.</p><p>"It's a ploy Charlie," Lucas said and cocked an eyebrow up and placed a smirk on his face.</p><p>Maya and Zay turned down the corridor and saw the three in an awkward moment. Zay could read the emotions that radiated from Lucas and then Riley.</p><p>"Lucas shut up," Charlie shouted as Maya walked over.</p><p>"You think that of me Lucas? Do you think that low of me? Do you think I would do something like that? Well then fine! Who gives a fuck about what you think. You are still the asshole you've been for the past three years! Fuck you!" Riley said and shook with rage.</p><p>Everyone's eyes widened at Riley's words and their mouths fell open.</p><p>"Fuck you, Friar!" Riley screamed and shoved Lucas as she walked away. Zay hot on her tail followed behind before sending Lucas a glare. Maya grabbed Charlie before he did something he would regret.</p><p>"Come on cheese soufflé" Maya whispered and nudged him in the opposite direction.</p><p>Riley ran into her father's classroom and collapsed onto the ground. She adjusted herself until she sat comfortably on the cold linoleum floor. Sliding her back against the wall and jumped in surprise when the door swung open. She didn't expect anyone to follow her as she walked away. She let out a sigh of relief as Zay appeared</p><p>"Hey, Riles" He whispered and she just put her chin on her knees.</p><p>"Lucas is a big jerk"</p><p>"Riley-</p><p>"Zay we kissed and he is treating me like shit. Why? Am I that bad of a kisser? It's like Jekyll and Hyde with him"</p><p>Zay let out a snort and let out a long groan. He knew better than to spill his friend's secrets but how could he not Riley had practically begged him.</p><p>"Lucas is in love with you" Zay confessed and plopped down next to Riley. Her eyes widened just a bit and she tried to comprehend Zay's words.</p><p>Riley's head snapped towards Zay and she let out a chortle. She couldn't believe the words no matter the times she played them in her head. Zay, was not one to lie, exaggerate? Sure. Lie? Never.</p><p>"Zay do not say things you do not know" Riley whispered and bit her bottom lip hoping he had told the truth.</p><p>"Riles …. I'm not. Last night I stopped by his place with Farkle and he just blurted it out in a sort of we dragged it out of him kind of way" Zay said and smirked.</p><p>"So he is in love with me?" Riley asked and stared at Zay.</p><p>"Since middle school" Zay answered.</p><p>"No he can't be Zay, you don't treat people like that, not if he feels that way" Riley commented.</p><p>"Riles he does and I don't know why he acts this way something happened between yesterday and today"</p><p>Riley stood to her feet and lowered her eyes in anger. How dare he treat her like she was nothing for four years because he was "in love" that was not the way to treat people. Riley threw open the door and ran out on a mission. Zay quick on her heels followed behind asking her questions.</p><p>"Riley, what are we doing?"</p><p>However, she did not answer but instead scanned the hallway for the tall blonde cowboy. She spotted him against a pair of lockers with Darby, Marley, Smackle, and Farkle. They had been laughing at a joke and that riled up something inside of her. All she remembered was that she had slammed Lucas against the locker in fury.</p><p>"How dare you, Lucas Friar!" She shouted. Students stopped in their tracks to watch the short brunette strike fear into the tall cowboy who was in complete shock. Zay had worked his way over to the small group and placed his hands on Riley's shoulder.</p><p>"You do not get the right to treat me like I am nothing to you when I am everything to you!" Riley scolded as Lucas's mouth gaped open. He turned to Farkle who had sent Zay a glare. Zay raised his hands in defense and pointed to Riley. Maya skipped over to the two and stood in between Lucas and Riley.</p><p>"I couldn't let her not know!" Zay said as Maya pulled Riley away from Lucas.</p><p>"Honey, what is wrong?" Maya asked.</p><p>"Lucas is in love with me, he is in love with me!" Riley said and pointed at Lucas as Maya's eyes widened. She had some indication that there was something more to the story, but love was never in the cards.</p><p>"Riles not here" Farkle gritted as the crowd had begun to whisper.</p><p>"Look Princess I don't know what you're talking about!" Lucas clenched through his teeth.</p><p>"That's why you act this way, the way you've been all these years, you're scared!" Riley accused.</p><p>"Scared of you? Please, you're as scary as Auggie" Lucas scoffed and Riley let out a sneer.</p><p>"Lucas, you're scared of what we could be," Riley whispered.</p><p>"Could? Nope sorry Princess seems like you think this is a fairy tale, and I am far from Prince Charming, but he is perfect" Lucas said and jutted his chin behind Riley.</p><p>Charlie stood behind her with his mouth gaped open with a laughing Billy and a sympathetic Yogi. Farkle was right that had drawn a crowd yet she didn't think about Charlie hearing any of this yet. He shook his head in anger and walked away from Riley.</p><p>"Wow, nice going Prude Princess" Billy grumbled and followed Charlie down the hall.</p><p>Riley hesitated and looked at Lucas before she ran down the hall to Charlie. Lucas raised his eyebrows before he turned to walk away. He felt a large weight onto his back and fell on the ground with a loud thump. Lucas in shock looked over his shoulder to see Zay with a clenched fist.</p><p>"Lucas! That was the last straw!" Zay yelled and walked away with Farkle who sighed.</p><p>Lucas rolled over onto his back and could feel the stares on him and could feel the eyes of Smackle and Maya. They showed sympathy as well as tiredness. The kind of tired he experienced over the years. Smackle reached out to grab Lucas's hand to pull him from the ground.</p><p>Lucas smacked her hand away and stood to his feet. He sneered at Maya and walked away from the group of people. Whispered tunes consumed him as he walked towards the exit. Another day of cutting school and he knew he was going to hear it from his Mother. After he walked down the steps of the high school he looked around.</p><p>Where could he go except to Central Park and think about what happened? After taking the semi-empty train and buying fruit Riley did the day before. He sat down by the tree where she spun in circles and a smile graced her face. She was beautiful and she couldn't see it. Although he knew it was wrong, he slipped out the diary that she left with him. Through the night he memorized the words of Riley's subconscious. He flipped to the current month of September and learned of the thought she kept inside. It terrified him to know all of her secrets, but it taught him how to stay away.</p><p>
  <i>September 13rd</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I wrote another story, but I am scared to show Maya because what if she reads between the lines. What if she realizes that Violet is really in love with the army brat Boyd and not the sweet loveable Gray. What if she realizes that Boyd is Lucas and Gray is Charlie? I can't give her this story. I just can't! I can't risk this and I can't deal with Lucas if he finds out. I tried to talk to him and instead, he chuckled before calling me a PRINCESS! I can't stand that nickname and that attitude is horrible. He thought I didn't hear him whisper to the other boys that he couldn't believe he used to be friends with such a bitch. I cried for twenty minutes in a stall and avoided lunch. It wasn’t like I deserved to eat anyway. I had to lose weight for homecoming.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>September 14th</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Gave Maya the new chapter for Violet and Peaches and she loved it. Tonight I write early because I have to endure the Homecoming game with Lucas "The Jerk" Friar. He doesn't talk to me and when he does, he calls me Princess. Oh, I despise that name and that smirk he gets. I ate a banana and I feel sick to my stomach. Why would my mother own a bakery? Crap someone is in the front.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Lucas froze as he read about the night Riley was attacked. He didn't know how much he affected her life in one way or another. To keep her out of his life he had thought his idea was brilliant. Hesitant but curious, he flipped the page to read the entries after that night.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>September 25th</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I can't sleep because I feel his coarse hands run between my legs and grip them tight. His weight haunts my back and I can hear his deep breathing in my ear. My eyes ache from tears and keep them open. Every time I sleep I can feel his finger gripping my body and now I refuse to sleep. He controlled my sleeping world and it was affecting my waking world. He worked his way into my story and he was now known as the Shadow Man. Maya loves him but me … I despise him and what he stole from me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>September 27th</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I couldn't write yesterday because I was forced to talk to someone. So I sat in silence. Lucas sat across from me and smiled. He actually smiled at me and then Charlie did. Why did Lucas's smile fill me with joy and Charlie smother? Charlie had been trying to help and instead I stared at Lucas fucking Friar like a sick love puppy. I need to get alone with Lucas and just talk about what happened. I need to know what he was going to say at the hospital. I won Homecoming through pity votes. Fuck homecoming. I have to hurry up, I can hear my mom calling me to make me fatter.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>September 28th</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Maya spent the night while I lay motionless in the same spot. She tried to keep me entertained and stuff pizza in my mouth. Two slices swirled down the toilet and I felt better. Now the nightmares began and I couldn't let her see how these nightmares consumed my every thought. How his hands tightened on my legs and my skirt was removed from my skin. I clutched the sheets and I knew Maya felt it but we both stood quiet. So I got up from the bed and sat at the Bay Window. I write to you because who else can understand? I feel like escaping from the world and the only person I want to be by my side is pitying me. Lucas.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>September 29th</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Lucas saved me last night. In my dream, of course. Shadow Man was about to hurt me when Lucas pushed him off of me. I could feel his warmth as he wrapped his arms around me. He whispered he was always there for me and he apologized for the three years. Why does that make my heart skip a beat? Charlie is texting me and reminding me he loves me, but do I love him? He was always by my side through thick and thin and Lucas … not at all! Why am I so confused? </i>
</p><p>Lucas closed the journal and placed the book under his chin and groaned. He didn't want to get upset, but he did. Tears streamed down his face and he could feel the vibrations of his phone. Tears wiped with the sleeve of his shirt he pulled the phone from his pocket. Farkle's name illuminated the screen and followed by a text message.</p><p>
  <b>Topanga's @ 4 PM BE THERE!</b>
</p><p>Instead of sending a message back, he put his phone to sleep. He knew his friends would be upset, but he wasn't going to be stuck in a room with Riley. If they made them talk and he had to look at her knew he caused her all that pain and knew her deepest secrets he would break. It was easier to be an asshole and avoid her. It was the best thing for both of them and he knew that.</p><p>His phone vibrated again and this time Maya's name illuminated across.</p><p>
  <b>Riley is gone again! Is she with you?</b>
</p><p>Riley had to stop this act of disappearance and worry about his friends. Although he wanted to respond he stopped himself. He stood up from his seat and looked around the park. The weather is still warm and people on their lunch break are enjoying the warm scenery. All he wanted at that moment was for Riley to twirl in front of him and he would tell her that she was beautiful just the way she was and that he would always protect her. Vibrations brought him out of his thoughts. It was Maya again.</p><p>
  <b>Lucas?</b>
</p><p>As he bit his lip, he texted her back and put his phone on do not disturb mode.</p><p>
  <b>She's not with me, but I will meet you guys at Topanga's. Maya whatever happens later, just let it happen. Ok!</b>
</p><p>Lucas looked around once more and decided it was best to walk the way to Topanga's so he can practice what he is going to say.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Girl Meets Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost; to be everywhere is to be nowhere" - Michel de Montaigne</p><p>Lucas fidgeted with his hands as he stood outside of Topanga’s. Through the glass door, he could see Maya, Josh, Zay, and Smackle sitting on the couch in a rousing debate about something. Zay made a joke which made Maya doubled over in laughter while Smackle cracked a smile at him. Josh had his arm wrapped on the back of the couch but leaned closer to Maya. They were in their own little world, how dare he try to break it up. He turned to run back up the stairs when he saw Farkle standing there with his hands shoved into his jean pockets.</p><p>“Farkle!” Lucas said startled.</p><p>Lucas wondered how long Farkle was standing there watching him, watching them, and looking for her.</p><p>“Lucas … trying to ditch?” Farkle inquired and took a step back.</p><p>That small step told Lucas that Farkle would let him run away but it will also change the dynamic of their friendship. Although the six would not admit it, they had chosen sides in the Lucas versus Riley debacle. Yet Farkle had always seemed to stay on the outskirts, staying neutral, maybe he knew something Lucas didn’t. Farkle always seemed to know something but he never said anything to either of them.</p><p>“I can’t do this man,” Lucas confessed.</p><p>“Do what Lucas?” Farkle snapped and ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>Lucas raised an eyebrow and sighed knowing that this was not going to end well.</p><p>“This, us, the group, I just can’t, I am not that guy anymore.”</p><p>“No one is asking you to be that guy Lucas.” Farkle snapped.</p><p>Farkle lightly kicked at the wall next to the stairs. Frustrated with Lucas Farkle let out a groan. Lucas looked down at his feet, and he tried his best to come up with an excuse but Farkle could see through the bullshit.</p><p>“You care about her Lucas, but this game you’re playing is not a good one, Riley is like a sister to me, and what you did today was horrible. We get it … something more happened the day she was beaten but Lucas … you can’t use that as a tool to hurt her” Farkle said.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to, it just happened, I can’t help it, man, I just can’t, I rather create this monster than let her know who I am” Lucas confessed.</p><p>His frustration grew but one look in Farkle’s eyes and he could see the hidden pent-up rage.</p><p>“And who is that Lucas?” </p><p>“Unworthy of her” Lucas confessed.</p><p>“You leave … and I will consider this friendship over,” Farkle said and walked past him into Topanga’s.</p><p>Lucas had never been in this position, at least not with Farkle. Yet Farkle had given his way out, his way to disconnect from the little group sitting inside. Maya was always going to be Riley’s best friend, Josh was her uncle, Smackle and Farkle were a package, and Zay, his childhood best friend barely recognized him. Yet Lucas turned to Topanga’s and walked into the café. The five stopped talking and Farkle gave him a slight smirk.</p><p>“So …” Zay began.</p><p>“I have no idea where she is, I swear,” Lucas said.</p><p>“I am tired of this running away thing, I am losing my mind, she is not sleeping, she is barely focused on her work and she barely eats” Maya whispered and her voice broke slightly.</p><p>“I think she just needs time,” Josh chimed in and wrapped his arm around Maya.  </p><p>He pulled her into his chest and sighed as Lucas fidgeted. Lucas took a seat and gripped his bag in his hand. He should have told them about her eating disorder, but was this the right time? Did he explain about the sexual assault? Was any of this his place?</p><p>“What do her parents say?” Farkle asked.</p><p>“Mrs. Matthews tells me that Riley seems to get better and then just slopes down” Zay added.</p><p>“Her dad stays away, It seems like Riley is terrified of any men,” Maya said.</p><p>“She doesn't even look me in the eye,” Josh said and looked down to his feet. </p><p>“Why?” Smackle pondered.</p><p>Zay and Farkle looked at Lucas as if they knew more had happened that night.</p><p>“Guys Riley-“ Lucas began</p><p>“I’m surprised you know my name!”</p><p>The five turned to see Riley standing behind them with a scowl and red eyes.</p><p>“Riles-“ Maya was cut off by Riley’s hand.</p><p>“Is this what you guys do? Talk about me when I am not around”</p><p>“Honey! No! Riles, we are just worried about you.” Maya said and stood to her feet.</p><p>She reached out to Riley who yanked her arm back from Maya. Maya sighed and looked at Lucas who was staring at Riley. His eyes never leaving her face, it shifted of sadness and then he looked away. Maya could tell something more happened, something only he could fix. </p><p>“Lucas?” Maya groaned.</p><p>“Riley, you should sit, and maybe just listen to what they have to say,” Lucas said and stood on his feet. </p><p>Her brown eyes square on his face and she grabbed his shirt with all her force. </p><p>“Where. Is. My. Journal?” She gritted and Lucas knew what was happening. </p><p>She knew that he knew. Her reaction was valid but he tried his best to keep his cool with the angry brunette. </p><p>“In my bag but I didn’t read it” He lied. </p><p>Riley let go of Lucas and reached down for his backpack. She ruffled through the mess and found the leather journal. She trembled as she snatched it out of his bag and threw the bag down to the ground.</p><p>“Are you telling the truth?” Riley asked not looking at him but at the journal, inspecting for any signs he has touched it. </p><p>Lucas took a breath and slowly said “Yes.”</p><p>He already lied before why should now be any different. She looked into his eyes and he took a deep breath wondering if she would push it more. Riley nodded, took one last look at her friends, and gripped her journal. </p><p>“I have to go … home.” She mumbled and ran out of the bakery. </p><p>Lucas released the breath he was holding in and Zay picked up on his actions. </p><p>“So … what’s in the journal Lucas?” Zay asked and Lucas tried avoiding his eyes. </p><p>“Lucas?”  Maya snapped. </p><p>“Nothing I really didn't read it … but … I got to go,” He said and snatched his bag off the ground. </p><p>He leaped to his feet and followed Riley out the door. Zay jumped to his own feet and ran after the tall blonde who was looking around trying to spot Riley.</p><p>“Tell me you weren't lying. Tell me that was the truth, Lucas?” Zay begged as he tried to catch Lucas’s gaze. </p><p>“Zay let me talk to Riles, ok, and maybe she can tell you the answer to that,” Lucas said and gave up looking around. </p><p>“Lucas she is one of my best friends, please man don't do this, just tell me what's going on with her! What happened!” Zay scolded and Lucas turned to his oldest friend. </p><p>Zay was always the funny guy, the chill guy, and yet he was begging Lucas with tears in his eyes to tell him anything. The two had never kept secrets from one another being that Zay couldn't keep one, but this secret was beyond the group of friends. It wasn't his secret. </p><p>“I can't.” Lucas sighed. </p><p>Zay nodded and angrily punched the wall next to the cafe. </p><p>“Years of this bullshit with Riles but you know what she is our friend, you don't get to have this leverage thinking you can use it to make her fall in love with you. We genuinely are concerned why you're using it as a bargaining chip for what! You're not Charlie, you're Lucas Friar, her tormentor.”  </p><p>“I know dammit Zay! I know! I fucking know it! Do you think this is easy for me to know that I am in love with her? To know I will never be worthy of her, to know that she is broken because of me, and I couldn't put my pride aside years ago! I am trying to fix the past, let me help her, let me be the one to fix this and to fix what I broke,” Lucas pleased. </p><p>Zay stopped and looked at Lucas unsure of what to say. Zay could always figure out what Lucas was up to but right now he couldn't. Zay dropped his shoulders and walked past Lucas back into the Cafe. He paused and looked over his shoulder at Lucas with a strained look in his eyes. </p><p>“Lucas … you hurt her again, you can forget the last seventeen years of our friendship,” Zay whispered and Lucas’s breathing hitched. </p><p>“You would do that Zay?” Lucas asked. </p><p>“Absolutely.” Zay snapped and walked into the cafe.</p><p>Lucas, shocked by Zay’s world wobbled in his spot and turned back to the direction Riley walked towards. He had to do something, he had to do something now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Girl Meets Tension</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the love &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>There is always a tension between the possibilities we aspire to and our wounded memories and past mistakes </i> - <b>Sean Brady</b></p><p>Lucas stumbled through the streets of New York and tried to focus on the blurs of everyone around him but he couldn't. His eyes glued to his phone as his fingers shook over her name, Riley. For the past ten minutes, he tried to find the courage to call her, to find where she is and talk to her. Show that he wasn't worth her time and that Charlie was the guy for her because, in the end, Lucas would ruin her. </p><p>Bodies pushed him as he kept walking, no care to his destination and he tried to keep balance but he stumbled once more. His foot slipped off the curb and he stumbled right into the street and he could hear the blare of the taxi coming towards him. </p><p>“Lucas!” He heard her scream and his head snapped back.</p><p>He felt himself get pulled and the obscenity of the taxi driver but his eyes never left her face.</p><p>Anger had melted away in her eyes and fear bloomed in her deep brown eyes. The two people that helped him were talking to him but their gaze never broke. He didn't even realize that he ended up in front of her brownstone. She stood in the doorway of the brownstone locked on him and turned to the bystanders. He quietly thanked them and walked over to the brownstone. Before he knew it she had bounded down the stairs and engulfed him into a tight hug. He placed his chin on the side of her head and breathed in her scent. Yet it didn't last long and he could feel her tiny fist pound into his chest with haste. </p><p>“What the fuck is your problem!” She screamed at him and he allowed her to take it out on him. </p><p>It wasn't just at his almost accidental death, not even the last few days, it was the years and years of the games. She kept pounding in his chest but her hits became slower and held her tighter.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Riles I am so sorry,” He whispered and she stopped. </p><p>He had called her Riles, it was so easy for him to do so as well. She looked at him, her face tear-stricken and she sniffled. </p><p>“What?” Her voice was soft and broken.</p><p>“I am so sorry about everything, for the last three years, everything, the cafe, hurting you, for being a fucking asshole … I am so sorry Riley,” Lucas said and placed a strand of her hair behind her ear. </p><p>“I can’t explain what’s going on with me I think I’m self-sabotaging this because … you deserve someone like Gardener in your life not me Riles, and it’s easier to pretend I’m not in love with you and live in fear that I’m not good enough for you” Lucas confessed. </p><p>Before he could continue Riley smashes her lips onto his. She snakes her arms around his neck to make sure he didn’t pull away. Lucas took a moment he wasn’t sure if he should shove her away or just let it happen. When his hands wrapped around her waist they melted into one another. His hands moved up her back and his fingers entangled into her hair. It had been so long that they had a moment so intimate. Years of emotions built into a moment and not of weakness. He knew she was kissing him because she wanted to not because she was vulnerable. He didn’t want to but he pulled away. </p><p>“I love you, I’m so in love with you,” Lucas panted as they placed their foreheads together. </p><p>Riley didn’t respond; he could see her eyes were closed and her chest rose quickly. He placed his hands behind her head and rubbed his nose against her. </p><p>“Riles I love you, it was always you,” Lucas whispered and softly kissed her lips. </p><p>He pulled away and could feel her shudder when he did. </p><p>“I will always love you, all of me loves all of you,” Lucas confessed. </p><p>His hands fell to her shoulders and then to her hands. She looked up at him, her blue eyes staring into his sparkled with tears. Her lips caught in between her teeth and her cheeks tinted red. </p><p>“I love you too Lucas” She whispered and their lips met once more. </p><p> </p><p>“Riley?” </p><p>Riley barely opened her eyes when she heard her name was whispered. Riley rubbed her eyes and tried to make out the shape of the person in front of her. A shadowy male and Riley scrambled to her feet and could feel the walls close in on her. </p><p>“Riles it’s me … it’s Auggie,” Auggie whispered and walked over to the light switch. </p><p>Riley sighed and looked at her shaking hands. She thought she was getting better but this moment showed her it was false. </p><p>“Auggie what’s going on?” Riley asked. Her back against the wall to feel grounded to the moment and remind her this was the reality. </p><p>“You tell me?” Auggie said and jutted his chin to her bed. </p><p>Riley looked over and saw Lucas asleep and spread across the bed. His clothes were on but his shoes were off and he had a quilt draped over his waist. </p><p>“I … Auggie … please don’t tell,” Riley whispered. </p><p>“I won’t Riley, this was the first time I saw you sleep peacefully but you might want to sneak him out. Mom and dad aren’t happy with you ditching again and if they see him they are going to blame him,” Auggie said and Riley sighed.</p><p>“I’ll be back” Riley whispered and walked out the room carefully avoiding getting near Auggie. </p><p>Auggie’s smile faltered and turned malicious towards the sleeping figure. He waited till her footsteps faded away and walked over to Lucas. </p><p>“Get up!” Auggie hissed and Lucas groaned.</p><p>“Get up!” Auggie repeated and Lucas sat up to be met with the fury of the youngest Matthews. </p><p>“Auggie? Where’s Riley?” Lucas yawned and sat up. </p><p>Lucas looked over at the preteen and could see he was fuming. His fist balled into one another and Lucas sighed. Auggie didn’t say a word as Lucas slipped on his shoes in the tense moment. </p><p>“Can you at least tell me she’s ok?” Lucas whispered as Auggie’s shoulders dropped.</p><p>“She’s downstairs talking to our parents,” Auggie gritted. </p><p>“Can you tell her I’ll call her?” Lucas asked as he stood to his feet. </p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” Auggie asked and Lucas froze. </p><p>Auggie was only ten but the way he commanded himself, Lucas knew the maturity was beaming through. </p><p>“Excuse me?” Lucas asked bewildered. </p><p>“What are you doing Lucas? To my sister? She’s not a toy!” Auggie snapped.</p><p>Lucas wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t on the Matthews’ favorite list but he was surprised that Auggie even had a care in the matter. However, he was reminded of when Auggie told Lucas he was Riley’s only brother. He was young but very much aware of what was happening in his life. </p><p>“I know Auggie, I’m sorry for the last couple of years but I was dumb and an asshole and if I could take it back I would but that’s not life. The truth is I’m in love with her and I self-sabotage because she deserves better,” Lucas confessed. </p><p>“Okay,” Auggie said and shrugged his shoulders. </p><p>“Just like that?” Lucas asked. </p><p>“You’re going to need someone on your team when our parents find out besides … Riley … she’s relaxed around you, she isn’t so … hurt. She doesn't avoid you like she avoids us.” Auggie croaked and tried his best not to cry. </p><p>“She needs time,” Lucas whispered and placed his hand on Auggie’s shoulder. </p><p>They heard the door creaked open and Riley popped her head into the room. Her eyes on the two and she sighed. Auggie’s face broke and Lucas comforted him; it warmed her heart but also terrified her. </p><p>“Um …” </p><p>Her voice broke the two away and they looked at her. She walked into the doorway and saw Lucas ready to leave. </p><p>“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Riley asked as Auggie turned to Lucas. </p><p>“What?” He asked. </p><p>“My parents know you’re here, I talked to them … briefly but I would like it if you joined us, Lucas,” Riley said and he could hear the hope in her voice. </p><p>“Yes, of course,” Lucas said and stood up. </p><p>He directed Auggie towards Riley, and he could see both Matthews were fighting back grins. However, for Lucas, his heart thumped in his chest. He had to see Cory for classes but other than the occasional good mornings and quick pep talks about his grades, it wasn’t the same. Furthermore, he had stopped going to Topanaga’s and when he did he made sure it was Zay who took his orders. The three bounced down the stairs as Auggie spewed something about school. Lucas was focused on not fucking up in front of the Matthews. They rounded the corner as Auggie finished with a dramatic jump and he could see Cory and Topanga setting the table. </p><p>“Auggie,” Topanga said in a soft but threatening voice. </p><p>“Sorry, mom but I was just telling them about the big explosion in the science lab!” Auggie’s responses were animated. </p><p>Auggie maneuvered to his seat next to his mom and helped set out the silverware. Lucas shuffled backward and tried to figure out something to say. </p><p>“Lucas, glad you can join us,” Topanga said with a sincere smile. </p><p>Lucas turned to Riley who had a slight grin and walked over to the counter to grab the pitcher. </p><p>“Lucas you may be on their good side but I expect you to come in through the front door, understand?” Cory said with a smirk. </p><p>“Of course” Lucas stumbled out confused at what Riley could have told them. </p><p>Lucas knew that they knew of his actions for the last few years. Cory carefully avoided pairing the two for schoolwork, Topanga allowed Zay to always be the one to wait on Lucas. He avoided and so did they, so what could have changed in just a few moments. Before Lucas could think of a question the front door flew open. He watched the outgoing Ava Morgenstern walk-in smacking on gum. </p><p>“Hey cowboy you joining us?” Ava inquired as she spun around him to sit next to Auggie. </p><p>“Oh yeah,” Lucas said and grabbed the pitcher from Riley and the glasses. </p><p>Riley was surprised at his actions and took a step back to admire his actions. He set out the cups as he sighed in a bit of relief. He had met Ava a few times but he knew with her there it wouldn’t be too awkward, she was another person questions could be reflected too. He looked back up and felt her eyes steady on him and he smiled at her. Her eyes widened and she blushed in embarrassment. </p><p>“Chicken, mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, and salad,” Topanga announced as Cory helped place the dishes on the table. </p><p>Riley stood next to Lucas and he instinctively placed his hand on her lower back. He directed her to a seat and took the one next to her. He could feel that her parents watched their interactions with intensity. He couldn’t blame them, he wasn’t even sure what was going on. </p><p>“So what’s with the awkwardness?” Ava asked, still smacking on her gum. </p><p>Topanga gave her a pointed look and Ava pulled out the wad of gum. Ava rolled it between her thumb before placing it on the edge of her plate. Lucas watched Riley study the food but not make an effort to put anything on her plate. He knew what she was doing. Auggie passed him the mashed potatoes and Lucas took them. He could hear snippets of Auggie talking about what he told Riley and Lucas earlier to his parents. Lucas scooped some potatoes onto his plate and with a swish of his wrist some onto Riley’s. The clank of the spoon to her plate made Riley jump slightly. </p><p>“I could have done that,” Riley mumbled and picked up her fork. </p><p>Lucas scooped more potatoes on her plate and then passed it to Cory over Riley.</p><p>“Lucas this is too much,” Riley said as she maneuvered the potatoes on her plate.</p><p>“Yeah but I didn't see you at lunch so I figured you would be hungry,” Lucas lied. </p><p>He didn't want to give her an indication that he knew what was going on. However, he wasn't going to allow her to do it around him. Riley stumbled to get words out but she couldn’t.</p><p>“Breast or drumstick?” Lucas asked as he placed the food onto his plate. </p><p>“Um I don't really want any,” Riley said and Lucas placed a chicken breast on her plate. </p><p>“Riles come on your mom cooked this for us, we should enjoy it,” Lucas said and Riley tried not to smile but Lucas could feel the eyes on him. </p><p>Cory was watching them, while Topanga attended to the younger two, he stared at them with intensity. He could see Cory study their quiet moments and Lucas tried not to make eye contact. He didn't want to see the look of disappointment in his eyes, he didn't want to know that he let Cory down. Lucas let out a sigh of relief as Riley took a bite of food. The next twenty minutes flew by and Lucas had enjoyed his time with the Matthews. He joked with Ava, gave Auggie advice, Riley teased Lucas about his manners, even Topanga asked him about school. The only one who didn't interact with him was Cory and that unnerved Lucas. Topanga had begun to clean up but Cory cleared his throat. </p><p>“I got this honey, Lucas help me?” Cory said and Lucas watched Riley walk with her mom over to the living room.</p><p>Lucas thought at least she wasn't rushing to the bathroom and Lucas slowly stood his feet. He grabbed the dishes and brought them to Cory who was at the sink with the water running. Lucas placed the dishes on the counter and thought of what he could say but he couldn't think of anything, nor could he even begin to apologize. </p><p>“Mr. Matthews … I am sorry I-” Lucas stopped when Cory placed his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. </p><p>“Lucas thank you, I know it's hard to even begin to understand why I am thanking you but … I watched you two tonight, and I haven't seen that side of Riley in a long time Lucas, nor have I seen that side of you in a long time,” Cory said, and Lucas looked down at his feet. </p><p>“You're a great kid Lucas, and I don't know what is going on with you but we are here for you, and you're always welcomed here, but please don't break her anymore, she is fragile as it is,” Cory continued. </p><p>Lucas speechless nodded and went back for more dishes. Riley was looking at them but talking to her mother. She couldn't have seen what they were talking about but her eyes peered into him. He gave her a smirk which made her blush and turn back to her mother. He turned back to Cory with the rest of the dishes. </p><p>“Also, thank you for making her eat,” Cory whispered. </p><p>“Um …” Lucas hesitated. Was this his place? </p><p>“We know Lucas, we arent oblivious to our children” Cory confessed. </p><p>“But why haven't you … confronted her?” Lucas asked and gripped the counter. </p><p>“Her therapist knows but if we confront it rather let her talk to us then … we could make her worse and Lucas we cant handle that, with the sexual assault and her depression, and the eating disorder we can drive her away with confrontation, we allow her therapist to be her confidante and remind her she's perfect the way she is,” Cory said and sniffled back some tears. </p><p>“She told you about the assault?” Lucas whispered. </p><p>“She told Topanga, so Josh, Auggie, and I are just respecting the boundaries she placed and hope she won't see us as threats just because we are men,” Cory continued and tried not to get choked up. </p><p>Lucas felt his stomach turn as he knew Riley allowed him to hold her, kiss her, protect her, and push away her family. However, it hit him as he realized Riley would shove Charlie away from her. How she didn't hug Zay or get too close to Farkle. It was right in his face and he would just shove her away. </p><p>“I don't mean to overstep on anything and I know I shouldn't be in her room but I promise we aren't doing anything inappropriate,” Lucas began. </p><p>“You're welcome here Lucas just keep it PG and no more nap rendezvous and I expect to see you use the front door,” Cory said. </p><p>“I’ll respect that,” Lucas said. </p><p>“I know you will because I was a teenage boy once, and also if you don't abide by my rules I’ll flunk you,” Cory said and cracked a smile.</p><p>Lucas chuckled and nodded at Cory. He turned around and leaned against the counter and watched Riley. She wrung her hands together nervously as Topanga attended to the other two. Her gaze met his and he smiled softly at her which prompted her to come over. The two stared at one another as Cory turned the sink off and turned to them. </p><p>“PG,” Cory mumbled as he walked away which made Riley chuckle. </p><p>“I haven't seen you smile like this in a while, Riles,” Lucas said and her shoulders dropped. </p><p>“I haven't been happy Lucas,” She responded. </p><p>Lucas sighed and watched her smile twitch away and her guards coming back up. Did he overstep with the nickname? He couldn't help it, it came out so easily for him but he knew it wasn't the same for her. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lucas said and hesitantly reached for her hand. </p><p>Her body tensed and he slowly pulled his hands back from hers. He fucked up, he did something wrong as her eyes did not meet his. Instead, she turned away and stalked up to her room. Cory and Topanga glanced at him and he could see the fear in their eyes. Lucas bounded after Riley and saw her slip into her room. His knuckles grazed the door and he could hear her mumble to come in.</p><p>He opened the door and could see her sprawled across the bed.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lucas repeated as Riley sat up. </p><p>“It's not your fault, I mean partly it is Lucas, but I haven't been happy since … that day freshman year,” Riley confessed her eyes glazed with tears. </p><p>“Riley I … I can't take it back but if I could I would,” Lucas said as he didn't move from the doorway.</p><p>“I have been playing this part for so long, who am I?” Riley whispered. </p><p>“Riley … I can't answer that but … I know that you're a beautiful person, inside and out,’ Lucas said. </p><p>“I need time Lucas,” Riley whispered and Lucas contorted his face in confusion. </p><p>“I love you,” Riley said and Lucas could feel his heartbeat quicken. </p><p>His palms began to sweat and he could feel the blood pumping in his ears as he could feel the but come out. </p><p>“But?” Lucas asked. </p><p>“But I can't love you until I love myself, I can't just pretend the last three years didn't happen and I am trying because you're one of the only people I trust right now but … I need to take a step back and look at everything,” Riley said and her voice broke. </p><p>“Riley” Lucas began as he took a step towards her, her shoulders tense. </p><p>“Yes?” Riley squeaked.</p><p>“I love you too and if I have to wait a million years to prove to you that … that assy part of me is gone … I will … I will do whatever you ask of me,” Lucas said and leaned down to catch her gaze but away from her. </p><p>“Thank you,” Riley said and he knew she was referring to both his respect for emotional and physical space. </p><p>“I should head home before it gets too late,” Lucas said and stood to his feet. </p><p>Riley nodded mutely and kept her gaze on the floor. </p><p>“Riley?” Lucas called. </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” Lucas asked as Riley looked up at him. </p><p>“I … um …” Riley stumbled as Lucas stared at her. </p><p>“On the forehead?” Lucas said with a slight smirk which made Riley roll her eyes. </p><p>“Yes,” Riley said and held her breath. </p><p>He walked over to her and softly kissed the crown of her head and he could see her shoulders deflate. She was relaxed for a moment but he didn't take advantage of the moment. He walked over to the window and decided to break the rules one last time before he was sure he was going to make the change. Feet out the window on her fire escape he poked his head into her window. Their eyes met and he smiled at her making her blush.</p><p>“I’ll text you, sweet dreams Princess,” Lucas said as the malice from the nickname disappeared. </p><p>With a blink of her eyes, he was gone into the night and she laid back onto her bed. Her hands shuffling under her pillows till she pulled out the diary she tucked away. Onto her stomach, she flipped it open to a blank page and began to write.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Girl Meets Who Am I?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the love!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 8: Girl Meets Who Am I?</p><p>“If you don't know who you truly are, you'll never know what you really want.” <br/>― Roy T. Bennett</p><p> </p><p>Riley ran the brush through her hair as she tried her best to calm her nerves, but she couldn't. She had barely slept and couldn't figure out she was going to even deal with these hidden emotions. On one hand, she was happy to understand where she stood in Lucas’s life, on the other could she trust him? Could she trust herself around him?</p><p>She stared at herself in the mirror with semi-dark eye bags, her eyes tinted red from crying and the glimmer was gone. She knew all of these emotions were too much for her. As she placed the brush down she heard the knock on her window. Maya made a face as she couldn’t open the window. Riley walked over and unlocked the window for her.</p><p>“When did you start locking that?” Maya asked.</p><p>“I realized having an open window in New York City wasn’t one of my brightest moments,” Riley said as she walked back over to her mirror. </p><p>“True but nothing has happened in seventeen years, I think you’ll be fine Honey,” Maya said as she plopped onto Riley’s bed. </p><p>Riley sighed and turned to Maya slowly.</p><p>“I think the assailant wanted to rape me,” Riley swallowed. </p><p>Maya’s head snapped towards Riley with her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth gasped open as Riley trembled.</p><p>“Riles, why didn’t you tell me, I’m sorry we can cement the windows, get metal bars” Maya rambled. </p><p>“Maya relax, I just need to learn to feel secure again,” Riley said as Maya nodded. </p><p>“Want to talk about it?” Maya asked as she clutched Riley’s bedsheets. </p><p>Riley sighed and sat next to Maya. She popped her lips and let out a soft sigh. She spoke about it with her therapist, and slightly with her mother. </p><p>“I just turned the lights off in the back when I heard the bell go, I turned to say something when I noticed they were in all black, face covered. I knew we were getting robbed but attacked …” Riley trailed off. </p><p>Maya rubbed her back and tried her best not to cry at Riley’s words.</p><p>“He emptied the register, and I took a step back. I don’t think he had a weapon honestly. I think the fear was enough,” Riley said as she remembered. </p><p>“He reached for my bag and the bracelet Charlie got me was there, the one from our second anniversary. I begged them not to take it” Riley said as the memories flooded back. </p><p> </p><p>Riley’s back pressed against the coffee machine. The assailant grabbed her bag and placed it on the counter. They ruffled through it dumping out her pens and paper. It wasn’t until they grabbed the small turquoise bracelet that Riley spoke. </p><p>“Please, take my phone, my wallet but not the bracelet,” Riley squeaked. </p><p>She could see they were considering it and she hoped they would. If they knew how much it meant to her, they just couldn’t take it. </p><p>“My boyfriend Charlie bought it for me, for our anniversary-“ Riley was caught off by the fist colliding with her face. </p><p>She collapsed to the ground and crumbled. Her screams echoed as they stomped on her side. She crawled away as they grabbed the rest of her things. She pulled herself up and the chairs tipped over. The assailant shoved the table away to get to Riley who tried to run. </p><p>“Please you have everything, what more could you want,” Riley cried. </p><p>She screamed when they leaped at her and dragged her behind the counter. Her hands thrashing against them as they shoveled her down. She could feel the hand snake up her skirt and pulled her underwear down as Riley screamed. </p><p>They placed their hands on her mouth and Riley cried. Her cries muffled allowed them to hear footsteps and the door open. </p><p>“Uh hello?” </p><p>Riley knew that voice and despite their history was glad to hear it. The assailant seized up and Riley felt the weight of their body disappear. She could hear the glass shatter and gasped. Lucas came over and she tried to move. </p><p>Riley?" Lucas cried and picked her head up as she cried again.</p><p>"Lucas?" She questioned as tried sitting up</p><p>Instead, he insisted that she didn’t move. So she collapsed in his arms and allowed him to comfort her.</p><p> </p><p>Maya was crying silently as Riley wiped the tears from her own face. Maya let out a shaky breath and turned to Riley.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Maya cried.</p><p>“It’s okay well it’s not but therapy is healing me,” Riley said and got up from the bed. </p><p>“If you wanna ditch I won’t get mad, we can go to the movies, or-“ Maya began.</p><p>“I’m fine going Maya, I’m working through it besides I have my friends to support me,” Riley said and grabbed her stuff. </p><p>Maya followed suit as Riley walked down to the kitchen. Topanga was placing food on the table and Riley tried her best not to make a face. </p><p>“We have to go,” Riley rushed and pulled Maya from the table. </p><p>The blonde groaned as she grabbed a piece of bacon. She followed Riley out the door and was going to say something when she saw Charlie standing there. </p><p>“Cheese soufflé didn’t know you were going to join us,” Maya said and could see Riley with a surprised look.</p><p>“Hey?” She whispered. </p><p>“Wanted to walk my girl to school, we haven’t had alone time in a while,” he said and reached for Riley’s hand. </p><p>She seized up and Maya intervened before he could grab it. </p><p>“You’re not getting it today either, come on guys, I think I have a donut in my locker,” Maya said and interlocked with Riley. </p><p>Riley relaxed and placed a smile on her face. Charlie’s shoulders dejected and followed after the two. The walk was filled with mostly Maya rambling about her college applications. Riley inputs some words while Charlie advises her to work on a portfolio. </p><p>“What about you?” Riley asked and Charlie grinned. </p><p>She knew she wasn’t being the best girlfriend but she had to show him it wasn’t him. Charlie’s face lit up as he talked about his schools, and that he aligned his choices with hers. She tried her best to fake a smile but she couldn’t. </p><p>“What? I thought we agreed we’re going to the same college?” Charlie asked and stopped. </p><p>His face contoured in anger and Maya took a step back. Riley looked at her feet before stumbling over her words.</p><p>“I don’t know anymore Charlie,” Riley confessed.</p><p>“What college? Us?” Charlie asked. </p><p>“All of it,” Riley said and Charlie scoffed. </p><p>He shook his head in anger and walked away from the two. He didn’t look back, and Riley tried to say something. Maya stepped near Riley and rubbed her back for the second time that day. The two girls followed Charlie’s path and found themselves at school. The rest of their crew slowly assembled by the time they reached their lockers.</p><p>“Tonight is my first shift back at work,” Zay said as Riley nodded. </p><p>“You okay sunshine?” Zay asked. </p><p>“I think I broke up with Charlie,” Riley confessed.</p><p>Farkle and Smackle stopped looking over their homework and turned to Riley. They watched her face, as Riley looked more lost than sad. Maya’s head was in her locker looking for the donut and popped it out.</p><p>“She’s also considering not going to college,” Maya mumbled as she ate her donut. </p><p>“Riles,” Farkle began.</p><p>“Hey,” </p><p>They turned to see Lucas with his book bag. He looked unsure of himself and Riley smiled at him. His insecurity melted away as the other four watched suspiciously. </p><p>“Hey,” she said and he grinned. </p><p>“What the fuck is this?!” Zay exclaimed. </p><p>Riley’s eyes widened and she felt herself feel small. Lucas gave Zay a deadpan and rolled his eyes. </p><p>“See you in class,” Lucas said as he addressed the group but stared at Riley. </p><p>She nodded as the rest mumbled sure. He walked away and Zay placed his hands up for an explanation. Riley sighed and closed her locker before shrugging.</p><p>“Tell me you didn’t break up with Charlie for Lucas,” Zay pleaded. </p><p>“What! Of course not beside I’m not sure if we’re broken up,” Riley squeaked. </p><p>“Good, keep your mind clear of Friar,” Zay said as the bell rang.</p><p>The five rushed goodbyes and ran towards their prospective classes. Riley sighed as she entered her AP English course. She didn’t break up with Charlie for Lucas. </p><p>Right?</p><p>Riley avoided the cafeteria after Charlie gave her the cold shoulder in Chemistry. Instead, she opted to sit in her father’s empty classroom and write. As she sat in the class writing in her notebook she could feel the tension from her father. He allowed her to sit in the room during his free period in hopes that maybe they could talk. Cory drummed his fingers on his desk before opening his Tupperware. </p><p>“Carrot?” He asked as Riley looked up. </p><p>“Sure,” Riley said and Cory smiled brightly.</p><p>He brought the Tupperware over and she grabbed two sticks. He grabbed one and sat on his desk. </p><p>“Why aren’t you sitting with your friends, sweetie?” Cory asked. </p><p>“Charlie, we’re not doing good,” Riley said honestly. </p><p>She played with the carrot stick before she took a small bite. He sighed and tried his best to give his teenage daughter advice.</p><p>“It’s because I’m not sure about college anymore,” Riley continued. </p><p>“Oh .. are you thinking of not going or …” Cory trailed off. </p><p>College was something he and Topanga wanted for both of their children. However he knew with whatever Riley was going through right now, they didn't know what she wanted. Riley took another bite which made Cory smile a bit. She was a nervous eater but at least she was eating something. </p><p>“I don't know anymore Dad! Everything is changing so fast, and what if I am not good enough?” Riley whispered.</p><p>“Riley you are in the top five percent of your graduating class, you’re well-liked and I am pretty sure no I am confident you are more than enough,” Cory said astonishedly with his daughter.</p><p>“What if I don't want to be tied to Charlie my whole life, what if we both make  mistakes to follow the other but end up resenting the other?” Riley asked. </p><p>“Riles, does this have to do with … Lucas?” Cory asked. </p><p>“No! Why does everyone think all of a sudden I make my life decisions based on Lucas?!” Riley snapped. </p><p>She sat back in her seat and shrunk slightly. Cory hit a nerve he didn't even know was exposed and took his place back into his seat. </p><p>“Riley I ask because … you were sure a few months ago and now … you’re not and the only thing that is different is … him,” Cory said and swallowed. </p><p>“No Dad, I have changed too, and my passions are non-existent,” Riley said and stared back down at her notebook, and saw everything crossed out. </p><p>As the bell rang Cory walked behind his desk and started to write on the board. Riley finished the carrot and pulled out her history book from her bag. Everyone trickled in slowly and she tried to keep a neutral face. </p><p>Her dad’s words resonating in her head. </p><p>“Okay, guys today we’re doing something different!” Cory announced and clapped his hands. </p><p>The class groaned and Cory laughed before taking his place in front of the class. </p><p>“College, you should all be applying right? Why?” Cory asked. </p><p>“To get jobs?” Zay answered. </p><p>“Because our parents are making us!” Billy yelled. </p><p>“Finding our passion?” Lucas answered as Riley turned to him. </p><p>“All good reasons, some do it to further their education, some do go for their parents, but why are you going to college?” Cory asked. </p><p>“Can anyone tell me what happened on February 20th, 1962?” Cory asked. </p><p>The classmates looked at one another and turned to Smackle and Farkle. The two geniuses shared a look and sighed but it was Zay who spoke up. </p><p>“The United States took its orbital spaceflight,” Zay stated which made Cory smile. </p><p>“Mr. Baubeniux you’ve been studying?” Cory asked. </p><p>“Don't get a big head Matthews it interested me because of Katherine Johnson,” Zay as the class chuckled. </p><p>“Perfect, that’s where I was going with this, Katherine Johnson was who?” Cory continued. </p><p>“One of the “human” computers for NASA,” Riley chimed in. </p><p>“So she helped?” Cory asked. </p><p>“Not exactly” Zay mused. </p><p>“I’m pretty sure she did Zay,” Maya said. </p><p>“No I’m saying she dominated, those guys helped her, it’s because she’s a woman, a black woman that credit wasn’t given to her until after she deserved it,” Zay exclaimed. </p><p>“That is your project, right there,” Cory said and pointed to Zay. </p><p>“I’m doing my project on Zay?” Maya asked. </p><p>“No, that passion Zay has is your project. You guys will be partnered with someone for the rest of the year and choose a historical figure that best represents something you're passionate about, if you don’t have a passion, get ready to find one,” Cory said. </p><p>Riley turned to Maya who grinned and the two interlocked hands. </p><p>“There’s a twist, a method to my madness,” Cory said. </p><p>Everyone looked at him with puzzlement. He smiled and said something that sent everyone into a slight panic. </p><p>“You cannot partner up with anyone you have worked with these last few months or Junior year,” Cory said. </p><p>Maya and Riley dropped their hands and both their mouths opened. The two girls turned to their friends trying to find someone. Riley hesitated, she had already worked with Zay and Maya this year. Last year she partnered with Farkle and Charlie. She knew that left </p><p>“Smackle!” Maya screamed and pointed to the brunette who raised her eyebrows. </p><p>“I call dibs,” Maya said as Riley’s mouth dropped open. </p><p>Farkle and Zay claimed partnership and she turned to Charlie. He was already in deep conversation with Darby, about something. Yogi was bugging Billy, Sarah and Yindra were laughing. </p><p>“Everyone good?” Cory asked as he began to write on the board. </p><p>Riley sighed and frowned at her father. She didn’t understand what game he was playing but she was alone. This assignment was not going to fix her. </p><p>“I … I …” Riley began. </p><p>“I’ll be your partner Riley,” </p><p>His exclamation made everyone turn to him. The two hadn’t been partners since middle school, and now they had no one except one another. She glanced over to Charlie who was staring at them, his eyes squared on Lucas. Everyone was silent waiting on Riley’s answer. </p><p>“Okay Lucas,” Riley said and he smiled. </p><p>Riley turned to the board and let out a shaky breath.  </p><p>What the hell did she get herself into?</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Girl Meets Decisions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks everyone for the love &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”</i> - Charles Spurgeon</p><p>Riley sat in the stall with her knees to her chest. Her panic attack during Math made her run out of the class. The chest pain intensified and she tried to ground herself. </p><p>“Tile, toilet paper, door, waste bin, sneakers,” she repeated as she listened to the dripping of the faucet. </p><p>She seized up when the door opened and could hear two girls giggling. She tried her best to stay shut as they began to talk about her of all things. </p><p>“Can you believe Riley is partnered with Lucas?” </p><p>Riley recognized the voices of Sarah and Yindra and froze with fear at the two girls. </p><p>“Yes I can,” Sarah said and smacked her lips together.</p><p>Riley made a face as she realized that Sarah was fixing her makeup but also wanted to hear where she was going with this. </p><p>“I didn't, they haven't spoken in years, you know Lucas has been a grade-A dick to her,” Yindra complained. </p><p>“Dick or not, you’ve heard the rumors right?” Sarah pestered.</p><p>“Riley did not sleep with Lucas behind Charlie’s back,” Yindra whined as Sarah sighed. </p><p>“Yin you cannot say it's weird that all of a sudden the two are working together, and she is pulling from Charlie, even Maya was whispering about it,” Sarah said and Riley held back a gasp.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Yindra asked. </p><p>Riley nodded as she silently agreed with Yindra for Sarah to continue to talk about Maya and the rumors. Instead, Riley heard shoes scuffling and Sarah opening some stall doors. Riley seized as Yindra groaned loudly. Sarah didn't continue her path of doors and walked back over to Yindra. Riley quietly let out a sigh and waited to listen to gossip. </p><p>“You didn't hear this from me but … I heard her and Zay talking about her catching Lucas in Riley’s room, they were making out, now I know who Riley is but … if Maya her best friend is saying this why would she lie, something is fishy going,” Sarah said and Yindra sighed. </p><p>“I liked Riley and Charlie together; they were cute,” Yindra whined once more. </p><p>“How it's totally obvious how much Lucas is in love with Riley, I can’t believe no one notices this, he is always staring at her like 24/7, he hasn’t dated really anyone, and he’s one of the popular guys, he's holding out for Riley, the boy had fallen deeply in love with our little Riley Matthews, and she finally sees it, so good for them,” Sarah said. </p><p>“You’re insane Sarah,” Yindra said and Riley heard the door swing open and the two girls walk out. </p><p>Riley’s knees dropped and plopped her feet onto the tiles. She couldn't believe Maya had discussed her kiss with Lucas at school. On top of it, everyone was going to keep spreading rumors about her and Lucas. She knew the best thing to do right now is to talk to Charlie and prove to him she didn't plan for this to happen. She walked over to the sink and began to wash her hands. Her panic attack had faded as she listened to the rumors, it was a good distraction but she knew she had to find a way to calm them at school. Upon returning to class, she saw Farkle holding her backpack and a frown on his face. </p><p>“Are you okay?” He asked as she hesitantly grabbed it from him.</p><p>She nodded to inform him that she is okay for the moment but she wasn’t ready to talk. She slid into her seat and listened to the teacher drone on the importance of Calculus. Her mind swirled with thoughts of how she was going to talk to Charlie, to talk to Lucas, to figure things out. The bell rang and she sighed as students shuffled around her, finding their friends to talk to one another. Farkle watched her get up in a daze and follow her movements out of the classroom. </p><p>“Riles?” Farkle asked when they reached their lockers. </p><p>“Yeah?” Her voice was soft and floaty. </p><p>“Are you okay?” He asked and Riley shook her head no.</p><p>“People think I am sleeping with Lucas, Charlie won’t talk to me and I might possibly kill Maya for talking to Zay at school about me,” Riley said. </p><p>“Your friends know the truth to everything, don't worry Riles,” Farkle offered and she smiled sadly.</p><p>“I know it's … just not easy,” Riley mumbled and clutched her backpack straps. </p><p>“Life isn’t easy ever,” Farkle said and maneuvered his head towards their lockers. </p><p>“You can't help who you like,” Farkle whispered as Riley didn't say a word. </p><p>She opened her locker and a note fluttered out onto the floor, and she picked it up. A smile graced her face as Lucas’s sloppy handwriting asked her to meet him at the library after school. She folded the note back up gently and slid it into her textbook. </p><p>“However you could hide your face until you talk to your boyfriend,” Farkle said and Riley rolled her eyes. </p><p>“I know, I know,” Riley waved him off and placed the rest of her books away, and grabbed what she needed for her homework. </p><p>Maya, Zay, and Smackle had worked their way over to the twosome who were semi-jokingly arguing. Riley had relaxed with Farkle compared to the last few weeks and she couldn't help but think it was thanks to Lucas. </p><p>“Hey Honey,” Maya cooed and Riley glared at her. </p><p>“What?” Maya asked as Riley raised her eyebrow.</p><p>“Riles?” Maya continued.</p><p>“Maya Penelope Hart Hunter!” Riley snapped.</p><p>Zay instinctively grabbed Farkle and Smackle away from the fuming brunette who had the blonde in her sight. Maya's eyes widened in shock and she raised her hands out in defense.</p><p>“What did I do?” Maya asked as Riley shoved her into an empty classroom. </p><p>Riley looked around before placing her hand on her hips. Maya, confused and a bit scared took a step back from Riley. </p><p>“You talked about my kiss with Zay?” Riley whispered.</p><p>Maya confusedly sat on top of a desk and scrunched her face. She couldn't understand why Riley was so pissed about that?</p><p>“The one I had with Lucas! You talked about it at school! Sarah overheard you and told Yindra!” Riley whispered. </p><p>Maya’s eyes widened and she jumped from the desk with fear. She hadn't meant for anyone to overhear her. She was sure it was just the two of them in the classroom, but she hadn't thought to close the door. Sarah overhearing that was one of the worst things to happen to Riley right now.</p><p>“Shit! Riles, I am so sorry, I was just worried about you, I swear I didn't know anyone was around” Maya said and pouted. </p><p>“I get it but … now I have to talk to Charlie, way before I am ready,” Riley said and Maya sighed. </p><p>“Honey, I think this was a long time coming,” Maya said and Riley sighed. </p><p>Once Maya got the okay from Riley she was safe from her wrath the two sauntered out of the classroom. Zay, Smackle, and Farkle had found themselves sitting on the bench with Charlie, Billy, and Yogi. </p><p>“Hey guys,” Yogi greeted as Riley and Maya walked up to the group. </p><p>“Hey Yogi,” Maya said with the same energy as Riley stared at Charlie. </p><p>“As I was saying! The car is black with amazing trim, I cannot wait to get it!” Billy exclaimed as Charlie nodded. </p><p>“I told you, man, we’re riding in style,” Billy said and slapped Charlie on the shoulder. </p><p>“That's great Billy, I don't even have my license yet!” Riley chimed in as Charlie smiled. </p><p>“Ok,” Billy said as Riley jutted her head for Charlie to follow her. </p><p>“Charlie!” Billy called. </p><p>“I’m only borrowing him,” Riley giggled. </p><p>“To make out,” Yogi chimed in as Riley gasped. </p><p>Charlie chuckled and pulled Riley slightly away from the gossiping crew of friends. He let out a sigh and then a bright smile. </p><p>“Hey babe,” He said softly.</p><p>Riley could feel her stomach flipping with nerves and could feel her palms getting sweaty. She knew she had to break up with him, and not because of anything he had done. She just knew that she couldn't string him along if she knew she loved someone else. So why were the words not coming out?</p><p>“Date? Later after school at the cafe?” Riley asked and regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. </p><p>However, Charlie’s face lit up and he grinned brightly at her.</p><p>“Yeah that would be great we need some much needed us time,” Charlie said and kissed her forehead. </p><p>She slightly seized but he didn't notice and instead he placed his hands on her shoulders. </p><p>“I’m sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to get frustrated it's just I feel like you are pulling away, I don't want to lose you Ri” Charlie whispered as Riley tried her best to keep her emotions in check.</p><p>“Yeah,” She choked and he took a step back and studied her face. </p><p>“You okay?” He asked. </p><p>Before she could come up with an excuse Lucas strolled over. He was clenching his backpack strap and stopped short in front of the two. </p><p>“Yeah, I'm okay,” Riley said with her eyes locked on Lucas. </p><p>“Friar,” Charlie said with a slight groan. </p><p>“Gardner,” Lucas said politely and smiled at Riley.</p><p>Riley tried to stop herself from smiling and looked at Charlie whose eyes never tore from Lucas. </p><p>“Afterschool?” Charlie asked as he turned to Riley who nodded. </p><p>Charlie rubbed her shoulders and walked away from the two without a goodbye to either. Riley shifted her weight as she glanced at the awkward Lucas. She couldn't figure out how to start a conversation, especially after hearing the rumors. </p><p>“Uh, so you and Gardner have a date later?” Lucas and Riley instantly felt accused of something. </p><p>“He's my boyfriend,” She answered plainly and Lucas’s shoulders deflated. </p><p>“I just wanted to know when you wanted to work on the project?” Lucas asked as Riley’s face flushed with embarrassment. </p><p>“Oh um you can stop by at my place, after dinner,” Riley said.</p><p>“Or before, is your mom cooking again, that chicken was amazing,” Lucas said and Riley stared at him with suspicion. </p><p>“My mom is in Texas visiting Pappy Joe, my dad has me eating pizza, it's been a week, I don't think one person should be eating that much oil,” Lucas lied and Riley giggled. </p><p>It amazed him how easy it was to come up with a lie to her. It made him feel guilty but hearing her giggle brought a big smile on his face. Riley rolled her eyes playfully and smacked Lucas’s arm in fake annoyance. </p><p>“Mom’s making spaghetti and meatballs, dinner is at six, if you're late Auggie will eat your meatballs,” Riley said and fluttered past him. </p><p>He could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest and tried the best to shove down his feelings. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle a year of this interaction between them. He didn't know how he was going to stop himself from falling deeper in love with her.</p><p>“Pick your jaw off the floor,” Farkle said and placed his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. </p><p>“What?” Lucas asked.</p><p>“He's basically saying your drooling,” Zay said as he sauntered up to the two of them.</p><p>“What are you guys up to?” Lucas groaned.</p><p>“I was over there … watching all of that, this is a trainwreck waiting to happen,” Zay mumbled and Lucas sighed. </p><p>“I am just being a friend,” Lucas said as Farkle and Zay shared a look.</p><p>“Well don't get too friendly,” Zay said and smacked Lucas with a textbook jokingly. </p><p>Farkle laughed as Lucas threw his head back in slight frustration. </p><p>A friend.</p>
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